Keeping It Civil
It’s been a month of highs and highers for me since the last issue of Letters, with just one or two dips (no, I don’t mean me and Bonnie) from the euphoria.
First, for me, Women’s FEST was a blast, just as I hope it was for the hundreds of women who attended. Comic Jennie McNulty really enjoyed her introduction to Rehoboth and can’t wait to come back. We took her out on the town after her performance and all our watering holes were packed. We did get to crash a bachelorette party at one of our cherished spots, watching drunken straight gals pole dance, show their thongs, and otherwise behave in an embarrassing way.
“We’ve come a long way,” said Jennie. “The gay people are in a corner laughing at the straight people.”
Far be it from me to indict a whole class of people for the behavior of a few, but just like we have our assholes, they have theirs—and a gaggle of theirs were on display that night.
What I will take away from the weekend (besides the awesome crowds, money raised with the Broadwalk on the Boardwalk, and so much more) is a strategy Jennie suggested we use from now on. In her show she told us just how to get gay marriage passed in this country. “Lie,” she said,” just like the opposition does with their made up statistics about the horrors gay people cause.” She said, “Just say that erectile dysfunction in men goes down dramatically with the rise of gay marriage.” Ha! More brilliant advice I could not invent.
And speaking of marriage, in Delaware, starting Jan. 1, 2012, gay couples will have all the civil rights afforded to married couples. In a brilliantly orchestrated campaign by Equality Delaware, and our wonderful House Majority Leader Pete Schwartzkopf, Civil Unions passed the Delaware General Assembly almost before the homophobes and hate-mongers had a chance to rev their despicable engines.
While it took eight long years to pass the anti-discrimination bill, thanks to great legal preparation and a massive team lobbying on the ground, Civil Union legislation passed in a mere few months.
If you didn’t have the pleasure of being at Legislative Hall on that Thursday evening in April to hear the debate and watch the final vote, let me give you an image of what it was like.
As I sat in the first row of the balcony, looking down at the action on the House floor below, it was magical. In the face of the ridiculous amendments and only slightly concealed bigotry on display, watching the bill’s House sponsor, Rep. Melanie George refute some of the opposition rhetoric was like watching Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in the film To Kill a Mocking Bird make a plea for 1930s-era civil rights.
From the ornate state house surroundings to the heat in the balcony and our rapt attention to the speakers on the floor below, the moment mirrored Atticus Finch’s courthouse stand. With the balcony filled almost 100 percent by gay and gay friendly supporters, the scene also echoed that film as the discriminated against parties listened to their ally, Rep. George, eloquently speak out for doing the right thing.
When, just one week after the bill cleared the State Senate and after hours of often painful to hear debate, the bill passed 26-15, the balcony and floor below erupted in cheers and tears, with supporters hugging each other, most smiling, some sobbing as discrimination in Delaware took it on the chin.
The photographers aimed their lenses toward the balcony to get the crowd reaction and the photos appeared on front pages all over Delaware, were picked up on the AP wire and showed up on the internet and in newspapers all over the country.
As luck would have it, the Nikons caught me in the delta between cheers and tears and friends all over the country saw a photo of me looking like I just smelled a batch of rotten scrapple. Never mind, it’s the event that counts. Really, really counts.
Within minutes for some, hours and days for others, folks all over Delaware were being proposed to: “Will you Civil Union me?” It’s a little longer than “Will you marry me?” but unless we’re counting the cost of words for a skywriter to blow exhaust across the horizon, it makes no difference at all.
As for those dips in the euphoria, one came from a tragedy and one from a celebration. When a gay couple’s home burned two weekends ago, the house and contents of the owner were insured but not the belongings of the same-sex partner—her name had never been added to the policy. Who knew??? A spouse would have been covered automatically.
Discussing this catastrophic example in front of those hopeless homophobes during the hearings for the Civil Union bill would have been very powerful stuff indeed. In fact, most people in Delaware, even though they support our civil rights on general principles really don’t understand the issue— thousands of couples, right here in Sussex County, many together dozens of years, have been (and will be until January 1, 2012) operating on less than full civil rights when it comes to insurance policies, inheritance, medical decisions and so much more. And those rights carry with them big, debilitating, life-altering price tags when illness, death, or other tragedy strikes.
The second euphoria dip came about when one couple I know, having been married in all but name only for almost 30 years, laughingly announced their engagement in anticipation of a January Civil Union. The news was greeted quite seriously, with cheers and congratulations by their straight but not narrow friends and colleagues. And all that support felt really good.
But in a strange way, that their announcement was taken so seriously and so literally carried a little sting of insult. So many couples have been in an equivalent marriage for so, so long, and it felt a bit like those years were being negated.
Maybe I’m being a little overly defensive. After all, we can’t help the reactions of straight people. It’s not their fault. They are what they are. They were born that way and we love them equally anyway. It’s not their fault they don’t understand the nuance of our specific culture. We often don’t understand theirs.
Besides, when all of us start civil unioning in 2012, we certainly want the goodies that go with it.
His and His towels, Hers and Hers bathrobes, and of course, new kitchen appliances. I sure hope local merchants set up civil union registries.
Thanks to our wonderful legislators and activists who took the lead on this (Chris Beagle, Steve Elkins, the Stonewall folks, Lisa Goodman with Equality Delaware, and so many more), hold onto your hats caterers, beverage providers, DJs, and all…here come the civil unioneers. Yee-Haw!!!
Fay Jacobs is the author of As I Lay Frying—a Rehoboth Beach Memoir, and Fried & True—Tales from Rehoboth Beach, and For Frying Out Loud—Rehoboth Beach Diaries.