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July 27, 2012 - Gray & Gay by John Siegfried

What’s On Your Bucket List?

An article in the New York Times reported that Michelle Obama and her two daughters were in New York City on a recent weekend to see several shows. “The family split up on Saturday night, with Mrs. Obama and a friend slipping into ‘The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess and then congratulating the cast onstage after the curtain went down. …seeing a production of Porgy and Bess had been on her ‘bucket list.’”

That surprised me. That she would want to see Porgy and Bess is no surprise. I’d like to see that myself. What’s surprising is that she has a bucket list—a list of people, events, places she wants to see and experience before she dies. From my perspective she’s much too young for a bucket list.

The same Saturday afternoon that Mrs. Obama was at the theater I attended a concert at a Fort Lauderdale retirement community. It was a classical program performed by a touring group from Rome and was very well done. Every one of the concert attendees had hair as gray as mine, or sported various degrees of no hair. After all, it was a marketing ploy to attract new residents to the facility.

After the concert, the group of friends I was with began to discuss their bucket lists, and Porgy and Bess wasn’t on any of them. It’s curious that a utensil as simple as a bucket has become a symbol of both death, (kick the bucket), and wish fulfillment, (the bucket list). As the chatter of my friends surrounded me, I remained silent.

I recalled Jack Nicholson in the 2007 movie The Bucket List, telling Thomas, his young assistant, “Here’s something to remember when you’re older—never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.” For many of us who are gray and gay, the wisdom of that advice is self evident—and perhaps learned the hard way.

But part of my inability to contribute to a recitation of bucket list objectives is the fact that I don’t have a bucket list and never have had one. In one sense that’s good. It means that I’ve been too busy achieving the unstated goals I’ve set for myself, whether they are on a list or not, rather than wasting time wishing and fantasizing about them. But in another sense it makes me wonder whether I’ve aimed too low or settled too easily. Maybe I should have a bucket list.

On more than one occasion I’ve told my partner, Howard, twenty-one years my junior, “If I die without seeing another castle or another cathedral, I’ll die just as happy.” I’ve seen my share and by the fourth day of a tour I can’t remember the unique features of the cathedrals seen on days one, two or three. They all blend together—as do the Broadway plays I’ve seen, the national and international memorials I’ve visited, the synagogues and cemeteries I’ve toured, etc. They quickly meld into a quilt of people and places that continue to enrich my life. The addition of one more isn’t a determinative factor in my happiness.

Do I want to see the Taj Mahal before I die? Sure. But I don’t want to be airborne for twenty hours to do it. Do I want to stay at the Algonquin Hotel in New York City and visit the Oak Room where the literary pundits of the thirties and forties held forth?

es. That would be fun, and I may get there yet, although I think the Oak Room has recently been sacrificed in the name of progress, economy, or some other civic virtue. But trekking in Nepal, walking on the Great Wall of China, snorkeling in the Red Sea—been there, done that.

I’ve also told Howard, “If I die without having another orgasm, I’ll die just as happy.” But that’s because I’ve had a lot more orgasms than he’s had. If my math is right, the age difference gives me twenty-one year’s worth of orgasms, some Viagra enhanced, that he’s still working on. I don’t need one more sexual convulsion to convince me that sex is good, and good sex is a gift of the gods to be cherished. In fact, a feature of the aging process I value is that, having experienced a lot, I can be more selective in choosing new experiences, new places, new partners with whom to be intimate.

The bottom line is that there’s no gold medal for having the longest or the shortest list. He who kicks the bucket is nonetheless dead. So don’t worry about the bucket list. As one pundit observed, “Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.”

John Siegfried, a former Rehoboth resident, lives in Ft. Lauderdale. He is the author of Gray & Gay, A Journey of Self-acceptance. Email John Siegfried.

‹ July 27, 2012 - CAMPdates up July 27, 2012 - Buzz Worthy by Deb Griffin ›

Past Issues

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  • February 3, 2012 - Issue Index
  • March 9, 2012 - Issue Index
  • April 6, 2012 - Issue Index
  • May 4, 2012 - Issue Index
  • May 18, 2012 - Issue Index
  • June 1, 2012 - Issue Index
  • June 15, 2012 - Issue Index
  • June 29, 2012 - Issue Index
  • July 13, 2012 - Issue Index
  • July 27, 2012 - Issue Index
    • July 27, 2012 - Acknowledgments
    • July 27, 2012 - The Way I See It by Steve Elkins
    • July 27, 2012 - In Brief
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMPmatters by Murray Archibald
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Out by Fay Jacobs
    • July 27, 2012 - Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Stories by Rich Barnett
    • July 27, 2012 - Before The Beach by Bob Yesbek
    • July 27, 2012 - Ask the Doctor by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Candidate Forum 2012
    • July 27, 2012 - Booked Solid by Terri Schlichenmeyer
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Arts by Doug Yetter
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Profile by Michael Sprouse
    • July 27, 2012 - Volunteer Spotlight by Chris Beagle
    • July 27, 2012 - Volunteer Thank You
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Sights by Arnold Berke
    • July 27, 2012 - High CAMP by Brent Mundt
    • July 27, 2012 - Thinking Out Loud by Abby Dees
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMP Chat by Fay Jacobs
    • July 27, 2012 - The Outfield by Dan Woog
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMPshots Galley Index
    • July 27, 2012 - CAMPdates
    • July 27, 2012 - Gray & Gay by John Siegfried
    • July 27, 2012 - Buzz Worthy by Deb Griffin
  • August 10, 2012 - Issue Index
  • August 24, 2012 - Issue Index
  • September 14, 2012 - Issue Index
  • October 12, 2012 - Issue Index
  • November 16, 2012 - Issue Index

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