Domestic Violence Crosses All Sexual Orientations
Everyone is entitled to a relationship that is respectful, loving, and without fear. Domestic violence ignores these fundamental rights and destroys healthy relationships by the use of force, coercion, dominance and fear. Historically, we think of domestic violence as an act of physical violence perpetrated by one spouse against another, but in truth, can also include psychological abuse, sexual abuse, financial exploitation and isolation of a partner from family, friends and resources, limiting the victim’s ability to leave unhealthy and dangerous relationships. Domestic violence has no boundaries; it is blind to sexual orientation, gender, age, socio-economic status, race, religion, and education. It is no longer considered a “private matter” between husband and wife. We must recognize DV for what it is: a public health issue of epidemic proportion.
To fully understand the roots of domestic violence in our society, it is helpful to review some historical points. Interpersonal violence has existed in many cultures for many generations.
• British common law once allowed a man to “chastise” his wife with “any reasonable instrument.”
• In the United States, throughout the 1800s, state laws and cultural practices continued to support a man’s right to discipline his wife. In fact, it wasn’t until 1895 that a woman could even divorce her husband on grounds of abuse.
• It wasn’t until the 1960s, with the second wave of feminism, that domestic violence was recognized as having female victims and male offenders.
• 1986 Naming the Violence by Karri Lobel, was a publication which promoted recognition of same sex domestic violence.
• In 1989, La Red of Massachusetts was created first as a support group for battered partners of lesbian couples. La Red now services all LGBTQI communities supporting victims of interpersonal violence.
• In 1994, the Violence against Women Act was adopted. This act encouraged research into domestic abuse and generated the legal and financial support for law enforcement and social services to protect battered women.
• In 1996 we began to recognize same-sex domestic violence and dating domestic violence, you no longer had to be married to be considered a victim of domestic abuse.
• In 2000, Vermont was the first state to offer same-sex couples civil unions. Delaware now recognizes same-sex couples as legal and married partners. Other states continue to expand the rights of same-sex partners to marry.
• It is now believed that the LGBTQI community runs parallel with the cisgender community as far as prevalence of domestic violence, statistically speaking.
• You are more likely to be injured, raped, or murdered by someone you know than by a stranger.
• Every year, 2-4 million people are assaulted by their partner in the U.S.
• Every year about 2,000 people are murdered by their same-sex partner in the U.S.
• One in four people attempting suicide are victims of abuse.
• Acts of physical aggression between domestic partners occur in one in six homes.
Victims of domestic violence who are part of the LGBTQI community face some unique challenges. The fear of exposure may be used as leverage to keep someone in an abusive relationship. Victims may become isolated from their support systems, and may fear involvement with law enforcement and the judicial process. In LGBTQI relationships the differential of power may be less apparent. This can lead to discrimination against the victim.
If you know, or suspect that someone is a victim of domestic violence, be supportive of them, and allow the victim to find their own way in addressing the problem. Well intentioned supporters may advise the victim to “just leave” and end the relationship, without understanding the complexities of why the victim stays. It is important to understand that a victim of domestic violence is at greatest risk of death at the time they leave the relationship. Fear, financial coercion or exploitation, potential homelessness, unemployment, not having a safe place to go, or leaving behind personal possessions or pets, all can be factors which keep a victim in an abusive relationship. Because victims are often blamed by the abuser for everything that is wrong in the abusers life, victims frequently experience loss of self-esteem and feel helpless. Over time the chronic abuse, whether physical or emotional, reduces the victims ability to solve problems and make decisions, leaving victims feeling vulnerable, stressed and unable to cope.
Discuss a safety plan such as:
1) Packing a bag and leaving it at a friend’s house.
2) Make sure they have a copy of important documents.
3) Keep your cell phone with you and charged at all times, if possible, obtain a new cell phone so that the abuser cannot trace the victim’s calls or whereabouts.
4) Consider obtaining a protection from abuse order at family court.
5) Have an emergency contact person and place you can go if you must leave your home for safety reasons.
6) If there are children, include them in the plan to relocate if needed.
7) Realize that pets are also used as items of control and should be relocated as well.
24 hour domestic violence hotline (Kent and Sussex) 302-422-8058. If you feel you are in immediate danger, please call 911.
Cheri Will, RN is the Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Coordinator at Beebe Healthcare. Email Cheri Will