Suzanne Schwartz: Searching for Meaning
“Ich Bin Ein Berliner” is a quotation from John F. Kennedy’s speech over 50 years ago in West Berlin. Even though Suzanne Schwartz wasn’t born yet, it reflects her connection to her place of origin. Born to young parents, Suzanne describes herself not being what her mother wanted. Their relationship was strained. She tried to fit in but it was clear that her mother preferred her siblings. A three year apprenticeship in office management gave her the confidence to leave home. But independence was very costly and by age 18 Suzanne was homeless. She spent nights in the barracks with her American soldier boyfriend. He was stationed in Germany after two tours of duty in Iraq and was not anxious to spend more time in the military. After their son Jillien was born in August, 1994, they left Germany for Grand Junction, Colorado to live with his mother.
With the military no longer providing a controlling influence over Suzanne’s boyfriend, he became abusive and drug dependent. They married in 1995 and moved to a nearby mobile home, but this did not lessen the abuse or the addiction. Since he had attended the University of Maryland while in the military, and because she had family in the area, Suzanne engineered a move to Maryland. But as is so common, nothing improved her husband’s behavior, and in 1996 Suzanne moved into a motel with Jillien. Homeless again in a strange country but undefeated, Suzanne went into Franklin Covey to buy a day planner and emerged as a sales associate. She found an affordable apartment in Greenbelt on the metro and worked at Franklin Covey for almost two years. She was recruited by an investment bank at three times the salary. She and Jillien were safe and secure but something was missing. An online search remedied that. A woman living in Seaford was looking for someone to live in and care for her aged mother. Perfect. Unfortunately, the mother died shortly thereafter but a relationship was forged and continues today.
Suzanne relays that this was a life-changing experience. It was more than “coming out of the closet;” it was the cognizance of her reality. She moved to Delaware in 2003 and together they built their permanent home in Lincoln on three acres. Suzanne attended Del Tech and Wilmington University for a degree in Human Services and Behavioral Sciences, all the time working odd jobs, caring for her son and their pets, and nurturing her relationships. She landed a job with the State of Delaware, Family Services, working with abusive families and their children. Suzanne was confident that she had found her life’s work. This was the culmination of a lifetime of wanting to help others. But the journey was far from over.
Suzanne had been raised an atheist. She explained that she had not been religious in any way but began experiencing a need for community, for fellowship. She met the Reverend Dusty Pruitt, Pastor of the Rehoboth MCC and became a volunteer. She liked the fellowship, the activities, and the gatherings. When the Rev. Pruitt gathered together parishioners to establish Safe Haven—a Sussex County United Church of Christ—she recruited Suzanne as an organizer and office leader. Suzanne reiterates, “I wanted to help, but I didn’t believe.” So that the church should have authentic underpinnings, Suzanne began to make the communion bread. She was working 40 hours a week with troubled families, sharing the responsibility for running a household, and participating in the kindling of a new church.
On June 19, 2012, Suzanne was attending the annual church conference in Newark. The attendees sang a well-known Christian hymn, “Here I Am, Lord.” The words had a profound impact: “Is It I, Lord?” “Whom shall I Send?” On the way home, she experienced an epiphany; she had been called, and she knew that it was not something that could be ignored. None of this was foreign to the inspiring Dusty Pruitt who was Suzanne’s guide through this struggle.
Suzanne began to see this as a logical progression of her life. Striving to put in context her neglected childhood, her abusive marriage, her periods of homelessness, and her self-acceptance, she embraced her faith. She began attending the Lancaster Theological Seminary in August, 2013. She laughs that quitting a stable state job was the event that caused the most pause. This summer she is doing an internship as a Hospital Chaplin in Wilmington. She drives up and back every day but emphasizes that the patients keep her going. Well, what’s next? Suzanne patiently explains that this is a journey taken one day at a time.
When she is asked what she sees as her legacy, she says she wants to be a guide and inspiration to other women who have lived with neglect and violence to step away from their past and embrace their future.