My Holiday Letter
Dear Readers,
I realize many of you may feel it’s a tad early for me to be writing a holiday letter. Trust me, I share your concern, but a deadline is a deadline. And besides, the holiday season has already kicked off in a big way with the Starbucks red cup, anti-Christmas controversy and more recently with the run on Patti Labelle sweet potato pies at Walmart.
Have you heard about this? Two million sweet potato pies sold in two days after a YouTube video posted by comedian James Wright went viral. In it, Wright tastes Miss Patti’s pie and is so overcome by its spicy sweetness he begins singing and channeling the diva herself. Who knew Patti Labelle baked pies?
As a good Southerner, I like a sweet potato pie and it doesn’t matter if it’s made with actual sweet potatoes or with yams. Naturally, I had to get one of those pies so I made a special excursion to Walmart where I discovered the damn pies were out of stock. More were expected any day. Please, I implored, might I reserve one of Miss Patti’s pies? I’ve got a Thanksgiving dinner in Rehoboth in dire need of a desert. Nope. First come, first serve—that’s the Walmart rule.
While I probably won’t wait in line at Walmart for a pie, I did queue up for the Pope when he visited the U.S. Yes, yours truly was inspired rather than repulsed by a religious leader for a change. I was out in front of the Irish Embassy when he zoomed by in his little black Fiat.
Yep, he waved.Just a few months later, I had the opportunity to set foot on the campus of Bob Jones University, a hotbed of Christian fundamentalism in upstate South Carolina. Well, I didn’t actually set foot. Truth be told, I was afraid to get out of my father’s Cadillac as we cruised the grounds of the yellow-brick campus that looks more like a North Korean prison than the Land of Oz. Let me tell you, not a soul was there in October. No students. No bicycles. No faculty. No fliers on poles. I’ve never seen anything like it.
But I did get a glimpse of Bob Jones—on the scoreboard at the BJU football stadium there’s a cult-like cameo of the man.
I did some other traveling in 2015: Chicago, New Orleans, New York. And according to the GPS in my iPhone, I walked over 1,200 miles, which is the equivalent of walking from Rehoboth to Key West. I spent a couple of weeks on that island too, where I learned that at my age go-go boys are more interested in my wallet than my package. By the way, I’m interpreting that disrespect as subtle bragging, which is a hallmark of any good holiday letter.
I’m grateful for a few amazing things I saw this past year I never thought I would see in my lifetime: gay marriage legalized by the Supreme Court—yahoo!—and UVA winning consecutive ACC regular season basketball championships – wahoo!
I finally learned to appreciate raw oysters—East Coast only —and to wear Gucci loafers without feeling pompous. Drinking craft beer? Still pretentious in my book. Hand me a good old fashioned watered down lager. After thirty-some years I changed the shape of my eyeglasses. And after 52 weeks, I finished up my allergy immunotherapy shots, which means I can now look forward to mowing the grass without going into anaphylactic shock. If any of you “groundskeeper” types have tips for how to “checkerboard” a 15’x15’ lawn, I’m all ears.
On a more serious note, I became acutely aware this past year how I’ve benefitted from white male privilege and even gay white male privilege. True. But, I’m not convinced I’m responsible for all of America’s ails, as many of today’s baby boomer bashers are braying about.
Neither do I accept blame for conspiring to destroy the charm of Rehoboth because I felt it would be good for that contentious city re-zoning ordinance to go to a public vote so we could really see where things stand. What we saw was a town pretty equally divided—44 votes from a tie—but with a sliver of a majority in favor of stricter zoning regulations and I’m okay with that.
What I’m not okay with is a difference of political opinion serving as cause for withdrawing from a friendship. Thomas Jefferson said that. I say there’s still a warm chair by my fire and a good bottle of bourbon on my mantle for a friend when the politics get chilly. And I can’t think of a better recipe this holiday season, unless it’s for one of those Patti Labelle sweet potato pies. I hear the $3.98 pies are selling on eBay for $20 each. Hint. Hint….
And happy holidays!!