Gaydar…Myth or Reality?
There are certain questions in life that can cause us to lose sleep at night. We toss and turn in bed as these questions haunt us through the wee hours of the night. Such mysteries include: What is the best way to carve a turkey? Why does the line you are in always move the slowest? Why is the word ‘abbreviate’ such a long word? Another question that begs an answer is whether or not there is such a thing as “Gaydar.”
Wikipedia defines “Gaydar” as: “an intuitive ability of a person to assess others’ sexual orientations as gay, bisexual, or heterosexual. Gaydar relies almost exclusively on non-verbal clues and LGBT stereotypes. These include (but are not limited to) the sensitivity to social behaviors and mannerisms; acknowledging flamboyant body language, the tone of voice used by a person when speaking, overtly rejecting traditional gender roles, a person’s occupation, and grooming habits.”
There was a fascinating article in the New York Times, published in 2012, titled, “The Science of ‘Gaydar.’” It reported on a scientific study of people’s perceptions of sexual orientation, based on facial cues of rapidly changing pictures of people. Two key findings from this study were that cues of facial width-to-height ratio contribute to gaydar accuracy, and people are more accurate at judging women’s sexual orientation than judging men’s. This scientific study concludes that gaydar is accurate sixty percent of the time, at best.
In the interest of staying current on such issues, it seemed in order to conduct my own survey on gaydar. This venture was by no means scientific, and you will not find this in an upcoming issue of Scientific American, Psychology Today, or the New England Journal of Medicine. The publication Letters from CAMP will suffice quite nicely, thank you.
Gaydar is defined by my research assistants as “kinda like women’s intuition, but strictly in a sexual orientation sense.” (Dan) “When you see a guy or gal whose body language includes unique hand gestures, the way they walk, eye contact and the tone of their voice [that] send off a vibe that connects you to them. It’s not always sexually driven, the behaviors could go there, but for the most part it is a vibe people give off. The confirmation is a smile.” (Lyndon) “While it is true one’s mannerisms and personal connections with other gay individuals can be misread by gaydar, it is important not to prejudge those who exhibit those mannerisms and connections.” (Jeff)
There are times when gaydar is not functioning properly, and it can lead to some awkward situations. “When I was 20 years old or so, acting on gaydar was pretty risky, so I had to be pretty certain that anyone I was interested in was also interested in me. A couple of times, after having too much to drink, I got myself into some pretty risky situations. By the grace of God, nothing serious came of it.” (David) “Sometimes when straight men have a good fashion sense, excessive attention to personal hygiene, or just have mannerisms that are not always masculine, it sends a mixed signal. Sometimes gay men just throw all gaydar logic aside when the guy is just that attractive!” (Dan)
Of course, gaydar does work enough of the time to give it legitimacy. Sixty percent accuracy is pretty good, don’t you think? Glen and Kenny are partners, and when they meet new people in a variety of venues, they enjoy checking their gaydar with one another. Kenny shared the story of Sandra, a guest speaker at an LGBTQ meeting. “She introduced herself as being straight and showed off some pictures of her husband and kids—you know, the denial. When they got in their car after the meeting, Kenny and Glen looked at each other and exclaimed, ‘RIGHT, she’s not a lesbian!’ Sandra came to the same meeting a month later, came out, and asked for support as she was leaving her husband to move in with her girlfriend.” Kenny and Glen are best friends with Sandra and her partner to this day!
Gaydar is not engaged and active solely for the purpose of hooking up. Much of the time, it is simply an acknowledgement that the other person is gay. Glen shares a recent visit to The Pond. “There’s a cute guy at the bar, our eyes met, he smiled and I smiled back. It wasn’t a flirtatious moment. He was there with another guy, and so was I. It was more like a recognition of a kindred spirit, a moment of personal connection. And it was good.” Jeff suggests that gaydar be used as a positive interaction to expand on new friendships and support.
David shares that when he experiences gaydar these days, he doesn’t act on it, nor does he have any reason to. Kenny concludes that his gaydar is real. “I can’t really define what sets it off or how it really works. I just get the ole ‘Oh, yea, he’s on our team’ message!”
Returning to the New York Times, an article from May, 2015, was entitled, “The End of Gaydar.” This article focused on why we want to know in the first place if someone is gay. Margaret Cho is quoted, “If you’re gay yourself, you’re looking for community.... If you’re not gay, then what is that information important for? Is it to make a judgment about who that person is?”
As the article covers the stories of two men, one gay and one straight, it concludes with this: “In the end, the best approaches may be the most passive. You can wait and see. ‘If I can’t figure it out,’ the [gay] lawyer said, ‘then I know it will reveal itself in time.’ Or, more complicated but not impossible, you can put yourself in Ms. Cho’s orbit. ‘In my world,’ she said, ‘everyone is gay and they remain gay until proven otherwise. I assume homosexuality always.’”