Blame It On Bianca Del Rio: The Expert on Nothing with an Opinion on Everything
by Bianca Del Rio
c.2018, Dey Street Books, $21.99 / $26.99 Canada, 272 pages
You have no rope left.
You were at the end of yours last week, and you need help. Advice. Tell-me-what-to-do direction. Even a little hint would be great, and you just might find it in Blame It On Bianca Del Rio, by Bianca Del Rio.
Or not. Then again, Del Rio adamantly says that she gives “better advice than Dr. Phil” because what she espouses is based on “years and years of insightful prying and corrosive gossip.…” That’s what this “literary goldmine” is based on, but Del Rio cautions that she changed names and circumstances as she wrote this book. In other words, even if you see your name here, it’s not all about you.
Some of the problems here may be yours, though, and Del Rio offers “help”— first on health and grooming. This includes bad smells and what to do about them, rocking a bald look, dealing with serious illness, preparing yourself for a loved-one’s death, and looking one’s best (or lowering one’s standards).
This book wouldn’t be complete without Del Rio’s guidance on sex and relationships. She has a lot to say about LBD (Lesbian Bed Death), coming out as gay to your girlfriend of four years, how many cats a queen can have before crossing the line, and what to do about a terrible mother-in-law.
There’s “advice” here on how to deal with neighbors who don’t like you, and neighbors you like a little too much. Find out what Del Rio says about unknown paternity and how to avoid the same situation in the future. Get help on dealing with homophobia, parents who are overly supportive, bad Grandmas, and other family matters. Learn how to turn down an invitation, how to read an invitation, and how to be rude-not-rude.
Finally, find out what it’s like to be famous, fabulous, and fabulously famous. In a rush of snark and a long answer, Del Rio tells all.…
In case you hadn’t already figured it out—whether you are familiar with author Bianca Del Rio or not, whether you know her work or don’t—you need to know that there’s not one single thing about Blame It On Bianca Del Rio that’s PC. Nope. In fact, there may actually be parts of this book that could be downright insulting.
Contrary to what you were told in grade school, however, there are some books that need to be judged by their covers and this one is a good example. With one look, you should know what you’re getting yourself into, and a good insult is half the appeal of what you’ll have once you’re there. Mixed in with that is the occasional usable nugget, a lot of “you-go-girl!” empowerment, blunt MYOBiz answers to authentically sticky problems, and fall-down screaming-hysterical laughs hidden in the snarkiest of comments.
Blame It on Bianca Del Rio absolutely does not belong on the shelf with other Agony Aunt tomes. Get it, and it might not even need a shelf at all because you’ll want it close, all tied up in fun.▼
Terri Schlichenmeyer has been reading since she was three years old and never goes anywhere without a book. Always Overbooked, she lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 15,000 books.