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June 29, 2018 - Intentionally Inclusive by Wesley Combs

By the Way, Sue is Gluten-free

One thing I love about being in Rehoboth in the summer is knowing there is a good chance that dinner on a busy Friday or Saturday night will not require having to wait in line at some of our favorite restaurants.

Before you get too excited that I am going to share information about a secret VIP membership that gets you a table on a moment’s notice to Salt Air or Henlopen Oyster House—that’s not the reason.

It’s because we have a group of friends who love to entertain, regularly inviting up to 30 friends over for a casual dinner. Someone will offer to bring their favorite salad or a few bottles of wine and before you know it, we are enjoying a delicious three course meal with all the fixings.

When we were younger, we rarely asked if anyone was a vegetarian and assumed everyone would find something to their liking. Times certainly have changed. Our palates have matured to allow the menu to include grilled salmon and steak—but one size may not fit all anymore.

More and more we get a call from a guest letting us know they have a dietary restriction, which can range from being a vegetarian to avoiding gluten because they are living with celiac disease. Even though we try to think ahead when planning the menu to accommodate the various dietary restrictions and/or preferences, there are times when we forget to ask.

This happened when a friend we have come to know in recent years arrived at our home for a simple dinner that featured only grilled chicken, corn on the cob, and a large vegetable salad. I noticed she only placed the corn and salad on her plate. Being Jewish, making sure all guests have plenty to eat is an obsession, so I immediately asked if I could get her some chicken. She politely declined saying she is a vegetarian.

I felt terrible for many reasons, Jewish guilt notwithstanding. First, I had been told prior to that night she was a vegetarian and completely forgot, Even worse, when she said this happens all the time and not to worry, I realized that my insensitivity may have made her feel unwelcome.

As a diversity consultant for more than 25 years, I knew better. What was a simple oversight on my part can be interpreted very differently by the other person, i.e., that their needs mattered less than those of the rest of the guests.

Before you say, “Give me a break, it’s impossible to please everybody all of the time,” let me try to explain how she may feel using an analogy to which most readers will relate.

When I graduated college in the mid-80s, I began my career at IBM as a marketing representative, selling to federal government accounts. This was a big deal for me not only because working at Big Blue was prestigious but more importantly it paid well and would enable me to get a jump start on paying off my student loans.

Back then, success in sales at IBM was based on the ability to sell large mainframe computers to customers, as well as fitting in with the male-dominated culture. As a closeted gay man with a boyfriend, this was no simple task.

Survival meant laying low and avoiding having to answer questions about my love life. I cannot tell you how many times my colleagues, assuming that I was heterosexual, wanted to set me up on dates with women.

Over time, this had a demoralizing effect on me. The way I saw it, IBM was telling me being gay made me inferior in some way to those who were not, that it was a barrier to my success at IBM, and ultimately, that I was not welcome there. In the end, I chose to leave IBM even though I came to learn afterwards that, at that time, it was one of the most LGBT-friendly companies in the nation.

The moral of both of these stories is that when we make assumptions about others based on our cultural and social experiences, our words and actions can communicate something entirely different to other people, even though no ill will was intended. This is the essence of what unconscious bias is all about and how it can make others feel as if they do not belong when we get it wrong.

Being inclusive is an intentional act but it does not require much work. So, the next time you are organizing a dinner outing or hosting a group, stop for a moment and think about who will be there. Taking the time to ask whether the restaurant selection or menu will work for everyone will show that you care about whether or not those in attendance will leave with a good taste in their mouths.▼

Wesley Combs is a diversity and inclusion expert and a passionate social justice advocate. He is the founding Principal of Combs Advisory Services where he works with clients who share his values of enabling equity, equality, and opportunity in the workplace and the community.
 

‹ June 29, 2018 - Where the Girls Are by Fay Jacobs up June 29, 2018 - Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch ›

Past Issues

Issues Index

  • November 16, 2018 - Issue Index
  • October 19, 2018 - Issue Index
  • September 21, 2018 - Issue Index
  • August 24, 2018 - Issue Index
  • August 10, 2018 - Issue Index
  • July 27, 2018 - Issue Index
  • July 13, 2018 - Issue Index
  • June 29, 2018 - Issue Index
    • June 29, 2018 - Cover-to-cover with ISSUU
    • June 29, 2018 - The Way I See It by Murray Archibald
    • June 29, 2018 - Speak Out
    • June 29, 2018 - In Brief
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMPmatters by Murray Archibald
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Out by Fay Jacobs
    • June 29, 2018 - View Point by Richard Rosendall
    • June 29, 2018 - Where the Girls Are by Fay Jacobs
    • June 29, 2018 - Intentionally Inclusive by Wesley Combs
    • June 29, 2018 - Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP News - CROP by Debbie Woods
    • June 29, 2018 - Sundance 2018 by Glen Pruitt
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Feature - Pool Party
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Cheers!
    • June 29, 2018 - Straight Talk by David Garrett
    • June 29, 2018 - Volunteer Spotlight - Bud Beehler
    • June 29, 2018 - Volunteer Thank You
    • June 29, 2018 - It's My Life by Michael Thomas Ford
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Critters
    • June 29, 2018 - The REAL Drag Queens of Rehoboth Beach
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMPshots Gallery 1
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMPshots Gallery 2
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMPshots Gallery 3
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMPshots Gallery 4
    • June 29, 2018 - The Real Dirt by Eric W. Wahl
    • June 29, 2018 - Out & About by Eric C. Peterson
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Stories by Rich Barnett
    • June 29, 2018 - Millennial Times by James Adams Smith
    • June 29, 2018 - Out & Proud by Stefani Deoul
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Arts by Doug Yetter
    • June 29, 2018 - Booked Solid by Terri Schlichenmeyer
    • June 29, 2018 - CAMP Dates - June 29 - July 14
  • June 15, 2018 - Issue Index
  • June 1, 2018 - Issue Index
  • May 18, 2018 - Issue Index
  • May 4, 2018 - Issue Index
  • April 6, 2018 - Issue Index
  • March 9, 2018 - Issue Index
  • January 26, 2018 - Issue Index

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