Funny about That…
I have a PTSD variant, Political Trauma Stress Disorder.
So, I’ve chosen not to write an angst-filled Fay’s Year in Review column highlighting all the despicable lowlights of 2019. That would have been easy but depressing, instead, I have chosen to recall things from the past year which made me smile, laugh out loud, or even tear up with happiness.
I flunked my sleep study.
I was sent to a creepily quiet doctor’s office at 7 p.m. one night and ushered into a tiny room with a bed, TV, and a machine attached to about a hundred thousand wires and sensors. A half hour later, I was wearing all the wires and sensors like a pre-lit Christmas tree. “How am I going to sleep with all this crap attached to me? I’m the Bride of Frankenstein. There’s no way I’m going to…z-z-z-z-z-z.”
The technicians said I had the best night’s sleep they’d ever witnessed. They could have gone out for pizza and not missed anything. I drove home before sunrise, laughing. Did you know Dunkin’ Donuts at Midway opens at 5 a.m.?
At least my stomach doesn’t brew its own beer.
Can you believe the number of brewpubs popping up around here? But brewing’s not just for brick and mortar anymore. I read about a man who was acting drunk but swore he was sober. Turns out his stomach was turning the carbs he ate into beer.
Apparently, the gut-wrenching truth is that “auto-brewery syndrome” is probably underdiagnosed. Is Dewey a cluster? Imagine being cited for driving under the influence of a sandwich.
I want my buzz to be from the pomegranate martini my pal Ginger mixes at Fork & Flask.
Is there happy hour in the lobby?
USA Today says Boomers are finding creative, lower-cost substitutes for expensive senior living communities, where even medium-priced facilities average $150-200 a day.
They report seniors are traveling from hotel to hotel, in famous resort towns, saving money, getting great service and free shampoo.
We wouldn’t even have to leave our favorite resort—just use our AARP discounts for inexpensive hotel rooms (especially off-season) with free hot breakfast and complimentary toiletries. Some places even have gyms, pools, and free cookies in the lobby. We’ll be a roving band of Sussex County geezers, redefining the image of “the home.” Who’s in?
Mentoring another sit-down comic.
Speaking of retirement communities, I visited a woman who was my wonderful boss 30 years ago. Now 85, she says she’s been inspired by me to go into stand-up comedy. “I ride in on my scooter and say ‘Hello, I’m a stand-up comic who can’t stand up.’ The audience howls.”
Then, she talks about the drink of the day, the Blue Cupid, served in the dining room. “It arrived looking like a glass of Listerine. I didn’t know whether to drink it or gargle it.”
She was such a smash at a recent talent show, they’ve booked her for the Christmas party. This gives me inspiration. I may only be at the dawn of my career as the comic who broke into show biz at an age she’d more likely break a hip.
Love that shortcut.
Last spring’s dedication of Steve Elkins Way between the Convention Center and Baltimore Avenue made me happy in many ways. Honoring Steve was, of course, emotional and wonderful. But actually using the shortcut instead of dodging housekeeping carts through the Breakers parking area was great. And hearing people say “Park at the Convention Center and cut through Steve Elkins Way,” made me smile over and over.
So, this is a milestone.
This final 2019 issue of Letters officially marks the end of my 25th year writing this column for CAMP Rehoboth. The very first one told of the two-day voyage Bonnie and I took, bringing our boat from Annapolis to Rehoboth Bay—where we docked for the summer of 1995…and never really left.
Over the life of these columns we moved from dock to condo, to house, to RV, to manufactured home. The only place we haven’t tried is a yurt. But it’s not too late.
Thanks for continuing to read my words, and we’ll all get together again for the February issue.
Happy holidays! ▼
Fay Jacobs is an author of five published memoirs. Her newest is Fried & Convicted: Rehoboth Beach Uncorked. As a humorist, she’s touring with her show Aging Gracelessly: 50 Shades of Fay.