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November 15, 2019 - CAMP Out by Fay Jacobs

Funny about That…

Fay JacobsI have a PTSD variant, Political Trauma Stress Disorder.

So, I’ve chosen not to write an angst-filled Fay’s Year in Review column highlighting all the despicable lowlights of 2019. That would have been easy but depressing, instead, I have chosen to recall things from the past year which made me smile, laugh out loud, or even tear up with happiness.

I flunked my sleep study.

I was sent to a creepily quiet doctor’s office at 7 p.m. one night and ushered into a tiny room with a bed, TV, and a machine attached to about a hundred thousand wires and sensors. A half hour later, I was wearing all the wires and sensors like a pre-lit Christmas tree. “How am I going to sleep with all this crap attached to me? I’m the Bride of Frankenstein. There’s no way I’m going to…z-z-z-z-z-z.”

The technicians said I had the best night’s sleep they’d ever witnessed. They could have gone out for pizza and not missed anything. I drove home before sunrise, laughing. Did you know Dunkin’ Donuts at Midway opens at 5 a.m.?

At least my stomach doesn’t brew its own beer.

Can you believe the number of brewpubs popping up around here?  But brewing’s not just for brick and mortar anymore. I read about a man who was acting drunk but swore he was sober. Turns out his stomach was turning the carbs he ate into beer.

Apparently, the gut-wrenching truth is that “auto-brewery syndrome” is probably underdiagnosed. Is Dewey a cluster? Imagine being cited for driving under the influence of a sandwich.

I want my buzz to be from the pomegranate martini my pal Ginger mixes at Fork & Flask.

Is there happy hour in the lobby?

USA Today says Boomers are finding creative, lower-cost substitutes for expensive senior living communities, where even medium-priced facilities average $150-200 a day.

They report seniors are traveling from hotel to hotel, in famous resort towns, saving money, getting great service and free shampoo.

We wouldn’t even have to leave our favorite resort—just use our AARP discounts for inexpensive hotel rooms (especially off-season) with free hot breakfast and complimentary toiletries. Some places even have gyms, pools, and free cookies in the lobby. We’ll be a roving band of Sussex County geezers, redefining the image of “the home.” Who’s in?

Mentoring another sit-down comic.

Speaking of retirement communities, I visited a woman who was my wonderful boss 30 years ago. Now 85, she says she’s been inspired by me to go into stand-up comedy. “I ride in on my scooter and say ‘Hello, I’m a stand-up comic who can’t stand up.’ The audience howls.”

Then, she talks about the drink of the day, the Blue Cupid, served in the dining room. “It arrived looking like a glass of Listerine. I didn’t know whether to drink it or gargle it.”

She was such a smash at a recent talent show, they’ve booked her for the Christmas party. This gives me inspiration. I may only be at the dawn of my career as the comic who broke into show biz at an age she’d more likely break a hip.

Love that shortcut.

Last spring’s dedication of Steve Elkins Way between the Convention Center and Baltimore Avenue made me happy in many ways. Honoring Steve was, of course, emotional and wonderful. But actually using the shortcut instead of dodging housekeeping carts through the Breakers parking area was great. And hearing people say “Park at the Convention Center and cut through Steve Elkins Way,” made me smile over and over.

So, this is a milestone.

This final 2019 issue of Letters officially marks the end of my 25th year writing this column for CAMP Rehoboth. The very first one told of the two-day voyage Bonnie and I took, bringing our boat from Annapolis to Rehoboth Bay—where we docked for the summer of 1995…and never really left.

Over the life of these columns we moved from dock to condo, to house, to RV, to manufactured home. The only place we haven’t tried is a yurt. But it’s not too late.

Thanks for continuing to read my words, and we’ll all get together again for the February issue.

Happy holidays! ▼

Fay Jacobs is an author of five published memoirs. Her newest is Fried & Convicted: Rehoboth Beach Uncorked. As a humorist, she’s touring with her show Aging Gracelessly: 50 Shades of Fay. 

‹ November 15, 2019 - CAMP Matters by Murray Archibald up November 15, 2019 - CAMP News ›

Past Issues

Issues Index

  • November 15, 2019 - Issue Index
    • November 15, 2019 - Cover-to-cover with ISSUU
    • November 15, 2019 - The Way I See It by David Mariner
    • November 15, 2019 - In Brief
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Matters by Murray Archibald
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Out by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP News
    • November 15, 2019 - President's View by Chris Beagle
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Stories by Rich Barnett
    • November 15, 2019 - Intentionally Inclusive by Wesley Combs
    • November 15, 2019 - It's My Life by Michael Thomas Ford
    • November 15, 2019 - Out & About by Eric C. Peterson
    • November 15, 2019 - Welcome Winter by Michael Gilles
    • November 15, 2019 - Rehoboth Local by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - Sporty Gals by Anita Pettitt
    • November 15, 2019 - The Real Dirt by Eric W. Wahl
    • November 15, 2019 - Out & Proud by Stefani Deoul
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Cheers!
    • November 15, 2019 - Straight Talk by David Garrett
    • November 15, 2019 - Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch
    • November 15, 2019 - Eating OUT by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - Deep Inside Hollywood by Romeo San Vicente
    • November 15, 2019 - Health and Wellness by Marj Shannon
    • November 15, 2019 - Historical Headliners by Ann Aptaker
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 1
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 2
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 3
    • November 15, 2019 - Community News
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Arts by Doug Yetter
    • November 15, 2019 - Booked Solid by Terri Schlichenmeyer
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Critters
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Dates - November 16 - April 29
  • October 18, 2019 - Issue Index
  • September 20, 2019 - Issue Index
  • August 23, 2019 - Issue Index
  • August 9, 2019 - Issue Index
  • July 26, 2019 - Issue Index
  • July 12, 2019 - Issue Index
  • June 28, 2019 - Issue Index
  • June 14, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 31, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 17, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 3, 2019 - Issue Index
  • April 12, 2019 - Issue Index
  • March 8, 2019 - Issue Index
  • February 8, 2019 - Issue Index

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