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November 15, 2019 - CAMP Stories by Rich Barnett

2019: The Year I Officially Got Old

I was loitering in a Walgreens drug store pretending to look at magazines but in reality I was really waiting for a tall man in a raincoat to step away from the rack of pill organizers I had my eye on. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he left and I quickly took his position in front of the display rack. I prayed nobody I knew would happen by and catch me in such a compromising position.

Never in my life would I have imagined there were so many options for pill containers, or that I would need one. I gazed upon rows and rows of containers designed to hold a single day, 7-day, or even a 31-day supply of pills. They came in rectangular, square, and round shapes. Many had AM/PM compartments. The smallest were pocket-sized and the largest looked to be the size of my laptop computer. One even looked like an egg carton.

pillboxTruth told, I have a lovely antique silver pillbox. It’s shaped like a book, but unfortunately it won’t work for my needs because I must take numerous pills at different times of the day for a variety of ridiculous ailments. Hence my surreptitious visit to the Walgreens.

After 10 minutes of hand wringing, I ended up selecting a plastic purple-and-green colored, seven-day luxury model with morning and evening compartments. It was the least ostentatious of the bunch but nowhere near as classy as my small silver book. I hid it behind a bag of Doritos and used a self-service checkout machine. Thankfully, I slipped unnoticed out of the drugstore. The date was August 28, 2019. The time was 12:30 p.m. I remember it so vividly not because I still have the receipt, but because it was the moment I officially got old.

Between you and me, I’ve never really cared about growing old. This past year, though, aging reared its head in a variety of humiliating ways to remind me I’m on the steep downward slope of life. Permit me to share a few examples.

One morning I boarded the Metro, minding my own business and listening to music. When I looked around to check my travel progress, I realized—much to my chagrin—I was the only person whose earphones were still tethered to his iPhone. Everyone else on the train car was under 30 years of age and sporting ear buds. I was mortified, as I might have been if I were wearing a fanny pack….

Another morning, at Starbucks, a very handsome young man made a grand gesture of holding the door for me and calling me sir as I entered. I swear he winked as I walked past. When I next saw him, he was holding hands with his girlfriend. The little bastard was just being polite….

I was having my teeth cleaned one day when the dental technician suggested I consider getting braces to straighten my teeth. Old people, she explained, tend to have crowded teeth, which makes it difficult to floss and leads to gum disease. Good lord, I thought, how bad were they? Shortly thereafter, I sprung for Invisalign® braces. Now I understand exactly how senior citizens fall victim to roofing and window replacement scams.…

Finally, there was the Buttigieg for President fundraiser I attended where one of the candidate’s staffers proclaimed how great it was to see so many older Democrats come out for Pete. Multigenerational support! I looked around, expecting to see an army of aged Dems stamping their walkers and waving their canes. All I saw was my reflection in a mirror.…

Yes, 2019 was a rough year and I’m sure glad it’s over. I’m not sure my ego could take much more. But at least my pills are organized and my teeth are straight. What more can an old man ask for? ▼

Rich Barnett is the author of The Discreet Charms of a Bourgeois Beach Town, and Fun with Dick and James.

‹ November 15, 2019 - President's View by Chris Beagle up November 15, 2019 - Intentionally Inclusive by Wesley Combs ›

Past Issues

Issues Index

  • November 15, 2019 - Issue Index
    • November 15, 2019 - Cover-to-cover with ISSUU
    • November 15, 2019 - The Way I See It by David Mariner
    • November 15, 2019 - In Brief
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Matters by Murray Archibald
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Out by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP News
    • November 15, 2019 - President's View by Chris Beagle
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Stories by Rich Barnett
    • November 15, 2019 - Intentionally Inclusive by Wesley Combs
    • November 15, 2019 - It's My Life by Michael Thomas Ford
    • November 15, 2019 - Out & About by Eric C. Peterson
    • November 15, 2019 - Welcome Winter by Michael Gilles
    • November 15, 2019 - Rehoboth Local by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - Sporty Gals by Anita Pettitt
    • November 15, 2019 - The Real Dirt by Eric W. Wahl
    • November 15, 2019 - Out & Proud by Stefani Deoul
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Cheers!
    • November 15, 2019 - Straight Talk by David Garrett
    • November 15, 2019 - Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch
    • November 15, 2019 - Eating OUT by Fay Jacobs
    • November 15, 2019 - Deep Inside Hollywood by Romeo San Vicente
    • November 15, 2019 - Health and Wellness by Marj Shannon
    • November 15, 2019 - Historical Headliners by Ann Aptaker
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 1
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 2
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMPshots Gallery 3
    • November 15, 2019 - Community News
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Arts by Doug Yetter
    • November 15, 2019 - Booked Solid by Terri Schlichenmeyer
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Critters
    • November 15, 2019 - CAMP Dates - November 16 - April 29
  • October 18, 2019 - Issue Index
  • September 20, 2019 - Issue Index
  • August 23, 2019 - Issue Index
  • August 9, 2019 - Issue Index
  • July 26, 2019 - Issue Index
  • July 12, 2019 - Issue Index
  • June 28, 2019 - Issue Index
  • June 14, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 31, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 17, 2019 - Issue Index
  • May 3, 2019 - Issue Index
  • April 12, 2019 - Issue Index
  • March 8, 2019 - Issue Index
  • February 8, 2019 - Issue Index
  • HIV Testing

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