Happily Ever After—a Dog’s Story
Fa la…it’s May! Sunshine, lollipops, and the glorious outdoors await. Even the CDC has finally caught the spirit and announced that if you’ve been vaccinated then you may gather in small groups—outside—UN-masked. Woo hoo! It has been a long, cold, rather unique, winter.
And that, my friends, was the beginning of my column, before a social media wind blew me off course.
It was a viral story. The electronic looking glass pulled me in and well, here we are. A woman named Tyfanee Fortuna was trying to find a forever home for a fostered chihuahua named Prancer. In an effort to be extremely honest about Prancer, Tyfanee hilariously began by pleading, “I’ve tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound...palatable. The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins. But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”
I know you’re thinking this is insane. Who would adopt this dog? But stay with me here, because Tyfanee isn’t finished.
“Prancer only likes women. Nothing else. He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying unless you hate him. Prancer has lived with a man for six months and still has not accepted him. He bonds to a woman/women and takes his job of protection seriously. He offers better protection than capital security. This also extends to other animals. Have other dogs? Cats? Don’t apply unless they like being shaken up like a ragdoll by a 13-pound rage machine.”
Deep breath, please. Tyfanee is nearly done but she still has another shoe to drop.…
“His ideal home would be with a single woman…or a lesbian couple.”
Hello! And because a tale of a tortured tiny tail-wagger this outrageous story needs a happy ending, enter said lesbian, stage left! Ariel Davis, Connecticut lesbian, jumps into her car, drives to New Jersey, and Prancer finds his forever home and InstaFame @Prancerthechihuahua. I’m telling you, best Lesbian-Avenger-Happily-Ever-After Story of the week, maybe even the month!
And it proves the old adage, there is somebody for everybody. The trick is finding your somebody. And maybe you’ve found your somebody, but you could still be a yenta—a matchmaker—for somebody else.
The LGBTQ community adopts pets at a much higher rate than the general public. There are lots of thoughts as to why. But the one that sticks with me says it’s because we’re too familiar with being outsiders, understanding what it is to not always be wanted, so if we can make this four-legged (or three-legged!) friend feel wanted, we do.
But maybe we can do a little more and compete for our own LGBTQ-Avenger-Happily-Ever-After title. And cue: Brandywine SPCA needs our help.
The first ask actually seems easy. We all know CAMP Rehoboth is home to more than one extraordinary photographer and Brandywine needs photographers badly. All locations need help, but if you can spare a day for their Dover or New Castle locations, that would be amazing. Dogs and cats (and people) without good photos do not get asked for meet-and-greets.
The new world of online dating is tough. A great photographer might not make that dog or cat the smartest or the best behaved, but a great photo might make them the prettiest, and that would be huge.
The next one might be the most fun. Brandywine needs foster families. A typical foster stay is in the range of two weeks up to two months. So if you love animals but aren’t sure a long-term commitment suits you right this moment, have they got a deal for you! Remember, puppy kisses cure nearly everything!
And finally, dog walkers and cat socializers are always needed. Lost a few social skills? Cats might be your way back. Still trying to lose a few winter pounds? Walk a dog!
Imagine yourself, as you are exiting our winter of discontent, a new pal leading the way. Whether it’s off to Lewes Unleashed, Gordon’s Pond, a long trail walk, or a spin around Brandywine, our area has a variety of ways to celebrate the return of the season with our new BFFs. Heck, it will even have a CDC stamp of approval.
And who knows, your viral story might happily blow my next column right off course, again!
Delaware remains the only no-kill state in the US. Brandywine Valley SPCA can be found at: bvspca.org. ▼
Stefani Deoul is a television producer and author of the award-winning YA mystery series Sid Rubin Silicon Alley Adventures, with On a LARP, Zero Sum Game, and Say Her Name.