LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Big Apple CAMP |
by Kenn Harris |
Ronny Howard's Big, Gay Secret
Uh-Oh! Watch out, everybody, Opie's been naughty again! That is to say that Ron Howard, erstwhile tow-headed moppet from The Andy Griffith Show has, by directing and co-producing the film version of one of the most remarkably successful popular novels in recent years, The Da Vinci Code, has made a mud pie out of a bottle of cognac. Through unparalleled laxity and muddy thinking, Howard has turned Dan Brown's highly effective page-turner into a bland, if often superbly photographed blanc-mange of a motion picture. The Da Vinci Code, as many of you will know, concerns a centuries old war between two secret Catholic societies, The Opus Dei (the bad guys), and the Priory (the good guys), a descendant of the Knights of the Holy Grail. Both groups agree that Jesus, contrary to what one learns from the four gospels of the New Testament, married Mary Magdalene, and had a daughter with her, thus establishing his humanity, as opposed to his divinity. Opus Dei wants to suppress this information; The Priory wants to reveal it. Evidence of this controversy is supposedly found in Da Vinci's fresco The Last Supper, because a close look will show you that the disciple placed next to Jesus is a womanpresumably Mary Magdalene. I spent hours searching for a 3D, electronically lit copy of The Last Supper, mounted lovingly on velour by the artisans of one of the classiest art stores in Times Square, but, alas could not find it. So, I conjured up the fresco on my computer. Dang, the disciple does indeed appear to be a femalebut sometimes seeing is disbelieving. The figure might have been a very young man, a highly androgynous male, who knows, but, as Dan Brown proves, it's a great peg on which to hang a plot. This leads us to note that Brown's novel is a fast paced thriller, and Howard's film plods along like Yertyl the Turtle. Watching The Da Vinci Code, which begins with a murder in the Louvre, an interrogation, and a daring escape, creep along, one has an awful lot of time to ruminate on the various conspiracies that fill the movie. While the film is ostensibly about factionalism among Catholics, some of the goings-on are so evil that I couldn't help comparing gays to members of the Priory. The Knights of the Grail, we are told, were selfless and virtuous, trying to find the final resting place of Mrs. Christ er, Magdalene. They were relentlessly hunted down and slaughtered by the Pope's troops. Well, these days, the church has a hands-off attitude towards its traditional victimsheretics and Jews. So, whom do they pick on? Homosexuals. They may no longer behead us or burn us at the stake, but it seems as if many churchmen are dedicated to stamping us out in other ways. So, armed with these thoughts, I could readily identify with the "good" characters in the film, and enjoy the scenic shots of the Louvre, Paris by night, and several other scrumptious locations that beautify the film. Moving away from the theology of the picture, there is much about the presentation that makes one wonder if the film is dotted with other examples of gay sympathies. First, there is the brutal fact that there is absolutely no chemistry between stars Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou. Hanks plays biblical scholar Richard Langdon, and Miss Tautou portrays Sophie, a young woman who finds herself deeply involved with the mysteries of the Grail. These two are caught up in a scary, violent chain of events, and yet don't so much lay a hand upon one another for comfort or romance. This lack of sparks is due as much to Howard's direction as it is to Hanks and Tautou just not seeming to care for another. Hanks has never been a hot screen lover, and one must not forget that his first big break was TV's Bosom Buddies, in which Hanks, along with the more sharply talented Peter Scolari, walked around in drag. Latent is as latent does, Professor Langdon. Then there is the pivotal character of Sir Leigh Teabling, a biblical scholar friend of Langdon's, to whom Langdon and Sophie run while fleeing the police. Sir Leigh is played by the brilliant British actor Sir Ian McKellen. Sir Ian has acknowledged his own homosexuality for many years. Therefore, I suppose he may be forgiven for playing the prissy Sir Leigh in the Key of Lavender Sharp. Tom Hanks is a good actor. McKellen is a great actor. Their scenes with one another don't go so well for Hanks. Now, before ending this little gay cruise around The Da Vinci, I must write something about my favorite character, Silas the Monk. Silas, played by the handsome young artist Paul Bettany, is an enforcer for Opus Dei. Decked out in a habit and fright make-up suggesting that the monk is an albino, Silas commits many violent murders in the course of the movie and is a general pain in the seat of the cassock to all concerned. But Bettany has great presence and sense of purpose. When Silas removes his habit, we see that he flogs his back and shreds his thigh with a torturing device, but as the camera panderingly takes in his back, one sees other regions, painted white for the camera, left untouched. If this isn't a gay tease, I'm Louisa May Alcott. So, insum, The Da Vinci Code is filled with itself (you thought I was about to write "filled with something else," didn't you?) At times it's risible; at times it is visually stunning. I won't tell you NOT to gomany people liked the film, and I, at least, stayed awake. But when they are carrying on about the grail and all its trimmings we know that the issues lie much closer to home. We gays will not be the new Knights of the Grail and allow the forces of Opus Dei to destroy us. Who knows, the world might be better off with a humanized Jesus who was a loving husband and father. It's a shame that the film did not further explore that aspect of the novel, well, why should we look to Hollywood for guidance and moral courage? Kenn Harris is an NYC theatre and music critic and author of The Ultimate Opera Quiz Book. He can be reached by e-mail at kennoperadaddy2@nyc.rr.com. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 16, No. 7 June 16, 2006 |