Back by popular demand, I will now present the second installment of my column on gym etiquette. Last time, in the May 30th issue, I talked about the types of discourteous gym-goers youre likely to see during your workout. Since then, Ive had manyand I mean manypeople approach me with other "types" theyve met or observed during their workouts. I jotted down some of their suggestions and will nowsound the trumpetspresent you with the additional characters you may encounter. Grab a drink, get cozy, and hang on, here we go...
The Adonis. Youre so vain. This is the guy who hogs the mirrors. He does his workouts in the mirrors, observing his every rep. When finishing his set, he proceeds to flex and flex some more, not taking his eyes off himself once. Talk about self-love! Gimmie a break. If he doesnt watch it, hell just wind up as a true reflection of himself.
The Social-o-path. These are the types that meet at the gym for purely social reasonsthey just happen to be in the gym. But their main goal is to look around and comment on everything and everybody. And let me tell you, 9 times out of 10, it aint good. These are the types who say, "Can you keep a secret?" and within minutes, the entire gym knows what that secret was. Hairstyle, clothing, boyfriendsits all fair game. They gossip, they make snide comments, and it seems the only reason they are in the gym is to build their egos instead of their muscles. Theyre usually "carrying on" like a bunch of old ladies in a corner while they tie up a piece of equipment so others cant use it.
Roid Boys. Roid boys, roid boys, what cha gonna do, what cha gonna do when they come for you? Here they come. You can usually spot them. Their workouts take only 15 minutes, but they look absolutely fab-u-lous, big, and beefy. They hardly have time to sweat! And what are they doing over in the corner of the parking lot, with all their friends gathered around? Theyve put onor taken off20 pounds since the last time you saw them. Many have distended bellies and look like theyre pregnant because of it. Others have acne problems on their back and need a fresh tube of Clearasil. Might I remind you, steroids are illegal and you could end up with a prison record.
Luggage Luggers. These are the people who bring waaaaay too much stuff to the gym. By stuff, I mean a huge workout bag the size of Manhattan island. Add to that a makeup bag, toiletries, towels, and an extra change of clothesusually a tuxedo because theyre going to an event after their workout. Theres also a small picnic basket stocked with goodies in case they get a little hungry. This stuff does not fit in one locker, so they throw all of it on top of the lockers or under the benches, thereby clogging up the entire locker room.
Saun-A-Sam. Hes the stalker in the lockers. He was there when you got there, and hell be there when you leave. Hes been in the sauna all day, and he still has that towel wrapped around him. But you never see him working out. Am I missing something here, or what? Whats so great about dry heat, anyway? Maybe its not the heat, its the humidity.
The Aerobic Addicted. These are the zombies who walk on the treadmills day in, and day out. Their faces are expressionless as they walk endlessly for hours upon hours. Someone should tell them that they only need to do aerobics 2-3 times per week, not every day. Talk about over-training! With all that aerobic work, why dont they look really lean and mean?
Rag Dolls. These are the people who don the nastiest home-made gym wear. They wear T-shirts and shorts that are ripped, torn, moth-eaten, stained, and yellowed beyond repair, even though they could afford brand-new stuff. Do us all a favor, throw that trash away! Dont be a walking fashion faux pas and you wont have anyone sniping behind your back, "I wouldnt be caught dead in that outfit."
Super-Coordinated Man. These are the opposites of the Rag Dolls. They are definitely not accessory-challenged. You name it, and theyre wearing it, including gold jewelry, watches, diamonds, and pearls during their workouts. They have more clothes than Princess Diana could ever auction off, more shoes than Imelda Marcos could ever own, and more jewelry than a Tiffanys display case. And of course, everything matches perfectly, right down to the coordinated workout bottle. Very tasteful! Martha Stuart would be proud.
The Know-It-All. You cant avoid him sometimes, hes got to be there in the gym. He has no background in physical education or professional training, but because he hangs around the gym, he thinks he knows it all about exercise and fitness. Hell voluntarily correct your "flawed" workout, diet, and/or life by telling you the way he does it. Unfortunately, most of his advice is incorrect. The Know-It-Alls are usually obnoxious, rude, and boring. They like to talk about themselves and how great they are. My advice is this, avoid these people. It seems every gym has at least one.
Like my previous column, these stereotypes are just in jest. Dont take them too seriously. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, but really, you know who you are! By all means, if Ive left out somebody, please contact me! Have a great Fourth of July and see you out and about on the beach.
Rick Moore, a personal trainer certified by the American Fitness Professionals and Associates organization, believes in drug-free, common-sense training and a healthy lifestyle. Visit Rick on the Internet at http://www.enrapt.com/ricksfitness, or call him at Rick's Fitness & Health, (302) 684-3669.
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6/27/97 Issue. Copyright 1997 by CAMP Rehoboth, Inc. All rights reserved.