The following commentary was written by Meredith Hunter, President of PFLAG-Sussex County at Rehoboth Chapter, in response to a letter sent to the Delaware State News by Sherman Miller. She gave a copy to LETTERS for publication.
I read, with some interest and far more sorrow, Sherman N. Millers fears that Hollywood has unloosed a proverbial monster by its supposed "beautification" of Ellen DeGeneres coming out. In his opinion Mr. Miller seems to feel that showing gays and lesbians openly, as opposed to keeping them hidden in the "closet", will precipitate a moral crisis in this country that he equates with one supposedly generated by the black exploitation movies of the 70s. I feel it essential to address the fallacies Mr. Miller expressed as truths.
My first concern was Mr. Millers belief that Ellen Degeneres openly making her "homosexual admission" was an attempt to "legitimate lesbianism as a mainstream American lifestyle." Whether Ellen acknowledged who she was openly or if she had eventually chosen not to, it would not change the fact that gay men and women are a part of the fabric of our society and have been so since the beginning of time. Further, these men and women are as much in the mainstream of American life as any other minority group in this country can claim to be, and do not need anyone to "legitimize" their existence- they are a fact, a given, and will continue to exist and flourish with or without media approval. Being gay or lesbian (or, for that matter, bisexual or transsexual) is not a lifestyle, it is an intrinsic state of being. No one would choose to be a member of a persecuted minority group if they, in fact, had such a choice; that said, gay Americans are as rightfully proud of their heritage and existence as African-Americans are of their unique culture and should not have to hide who they are just because it is "easier" for them to do so than someone with an obviously "different" skin color.
I do appreciate that Mr. Miller condemns discrimination against gay people and expresses hatred for "gay bashing." Unfortunately, Mr. Miller is engaging in a form of that exact bashing when he makes such ill-informed statements as "[gays] glorify a lifestyle that is solely their own choice without fully appreciating the impact of their actions on the United States of America" and his questioning of the "long term damage" being open about ones sexuality would cause. Again, it is not a choice, it is an actuality that has been there since birth and can not be changed, nor should it have to be to placate the bigots of the world. Oprah did not hurt her credibility by "offering tacit approval to Ellens actions," she instead exemplified her intelligence and compassion for others who suffer discrimination through no fault of their own. I think African-Americans, of all people, should be particularly sensitive to this reality! I wonder if Mr. Miller truly believes that the mere fact of homosexual existence will cause damage to our beloved country, in some unspecified way? This reality has not done so yet, and gay men and women have been here since the founding of the United States, ample time for them to destroy the U.S. should that be a real possibility the entire idea is ludicrous.
By making odious and erroneous accusations against a group of people, Mr. Miller has mimicked the hate-mongering "The Birth of a Nation" and has encouraged people to see gays as a compilation of stereotypes that incite fear in those who believe these falsehoods. While African-Americans eventually saw the advent of their Civil Rights and Voting Rights laws, and the Supreme Court elimination of miscegenation laws, gays and lesbians still have no guarantees of equality in their work, housing, credit or basic lives, much less a right to marry and be committed to the person they love. While it is against the law to verbally or physically assault someone because of their race, it is still "safe", in most places, to do so because ones sexual orientation is not heterosexual. Where is the equity and basic concept of fairness in these facts? Would Mr. Miller argue that one group of Americans should always retain more privileges than another? Most people who make that argument do so because they are a member of the privileged group, not a discriminated-against minority.
How can Mr. Miller claim to "not condone discrimination against gay people" when he is, in reality, advocating exactly that? He would have gay and lesbian individuals practicing "discretion" (in other words, hiding and lying about the reality of who they are) in order to prevent his homophobic fears that "heterosexual young girls" will "flirt with lesbianism" just because they have been exposed to its existence. Has Mr. Miller not been aware, most of his life, that homosexual men existed? Has he ever, in any way, felt obligated to experiment sexually with another man because he knew gay men existed? These constant published fears regarding gays "recruiting" straight young people are the worst examples of heterosexual supremacists peddling their twisted brand of hate. The truth is you either are homosexual or you arent- no one can "make" you gay any more than they can turn a Caucasian into an African-American!
I can not, as a white female, speak with authority on the black experience in this country; neither will Mr. Miller ever be able to understand having to remain closeted about who you truly are. The closet is not an option, it is a prison of fear and lies. To stay in the closet, as Mr. Miller would have gays do, eliminates any chance of ever being honest, and requires the individual to talk in code words, to change the gender of their companion when they are discussing their relationships, to always attend social functions alone, to hide their loved ones picture from visitors and to always be scanning their personal environment to ascertain that no clues to their homosexuality have been left around for others to notice. Being closeted can consume much of a persons time and emotional energy, as well as doing the same to their families once the parents have discovered their childs sexual orientation. It destroys your self-esteem and makes you feel you are not good enough as you are. The closet is the reason gay and lesbian teenagers commit suicide at a rate three times higher than that of straight teens. No one wants to "pass", they do so because being open can cause them to lose their jobs, be kicked out of their homes, be estranged from their families, and can even lead to their being killed. Would Mr. Miller want his child exposed to a life of lies or, conversely, constant harassment and suffering if he or she chose to be honest about their sexuality? I am positive he would not, any more than he now wants them to experience prejudice due to their skin color. I know that I will never accept this torture for my son, or for any other human being. It is easy to force pain, humiliation and subjugation on persons you dont ever have to interact with, or truly "see"; undoubtedly, this gentleman believes he is telling the truth when he states "I will not patronize anyone by saying I have gay friends" but I can guarantee you that is not so. With a minimal estimate being one in every ten individuals is gay, Mr. Miller DOES have gay friends, co-workers and family members- the sorrow is that he cant (or wont) "see" them and they have to suffer his open contempt for persons the same as themselves.
I salute Ellen DeGeneres for her bravery in proclaiming her lesbianism and being honest about who she is. I believe that visibility will produce change, especially as people realize gay men and women are your sons and daughters, your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers and cousins. We need to destroy the stereotypes we have about each other by actually getting to know our human faces and personalities, and being "out" allows that to happen. I also know that visibility will change prejudicial laws at work and at home. If this proverbial closet is destroyed, if gays refuse to accept it as the option some straight people would like them to believe it is but instead see it as a prison, policies, laws and beliefs will change. No, Mr. Miller, the gay community is not the "plague" of this generation, it is just finally showing the bravery to insist on equal treatment and respect for diversity, much as African-Americans did years ago. The media can not "glorify" what is already as beautiful and natural as the heterosexual expression of love can be. Let the glory go to the honesty, openness and bravery of every individual who refuses to be someone theyre not just to satisfy the bigots of the world.
[ Previous Story | Back to Top | Next Story ]
6/27/97 Issue. Copyright 1997 by CAMP Rehoboth, Inc. All rights reserved.