LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Dodge Danger by Creative Sex Play |
by Bill Sievert |
How times do change. There was a day, not all that long ago, when practicing safe sex simply meant avoiding police raids on gay clubs, bathhouses and cruising spots. While some gay and bisexual men say they miss those "good old days" of clandestine acts and the thrill of dodging dangers, contemporary times provide plenty of fresh challenges for creating sexual excitement while staying out of harms way. Youll have an opportunity to explore some intriguing opportunities for safer sexual play at the first CAMPsafe Mens Retreat Oct. 2-3 at the Renegade Resort. The retreat will feature seminars with expert facilitators from Washingtons Whitman-Walker Clinic, including group sessions on "The Anatomy of Sex" and "The Dating Game." The seminars are free, but you do have to preregister. All you have to do is drop us a note and we will register you. In the meantime, weve been poring through some of the current literature being distributed by other safer sex organizations around the country, and we thought we might whet your appetite with some of their ideas about low-risk approaches to the game of lovemaking. CAMPsafe does not endorse any particular sexual behavior as totally safe from HIV infection (other than telephone or cyber-sex, perhaps), but an ever growing number of men are engaging in satisfying activities that dont require penetration and can be relatively free of peril. "All of the body surface can be experienced as a potential erogenous zone," says Michael Shernoff, a developer of safe-sex workshops for the Gay Mens Health Crisis (GMHC) in New York and a leader of group sessions for 15,000 men nationwide. "As our focus is taken off of genetically oriented sex, safer sex often means prolonged lovemaking or sexual play." Body massage is a "very enjoyable" low risk activity, agrees Rick Sowadsky, prevention specialist for The Body, a national AIDS/HIV information resource program and senior communicable disease specialist for the State of Nevada. Massage can be even more fun if accompanied by "food items, including whipped cream, jam and just about anything else you can find in your kitchen." Sowadsky notes that it is important not to consume any food that comes in contact with semen, blood or lesions. And, if youre using a latex condom, keep the edibles away from the latex. Oil-based foods (including whipped cream) can damage a latex condom the same way oil-based lubricants can. As well as food play, Michael Shernoff suggests "fantasies, costumes and toys" as approaches to pleasure. Imaginative games can lead to self or mutual masturbation, which are among the most risk free behaviors, so long as the players hands and fingers are free of cuts or blood. Wrestling (as long as no one gets bloodied) can be very satisfying for many guys. Ultimately, one way to play safe is stated quite succinctly on a handout from a regional HIV clinic: "On me, not in me." Similarly, Shernoff reports that the proper and careful use of such traditional sex toys as vibrators and dildos offer little chance of infection as long as they are not contaminated with semen, blood or other bodily fluids. Keep your toys clean, and theyll help keep you clean, he says. Sowadsky suggests that those who engage in oral-anal sex (rimming) can use plastic wrap as an effective barrier against infection. "You can easily see through plastic wrap, it is inexpensive, not embarrassing to buy and is readily available at most supermarkets." The Philadelphia Community Health Alternatives (PCHA) organization suggests using flavored condoms or dental dams for oral sex, and AIDS Delaware urges using a condom or plastic wrap for all oral sex, including on the anus or vagina. (These tips make sense for women as well as men.) If youre not using protection during anal sex because youre allergic to latex or hate the smell or taste of latex condoms, Rick Sowadsky urges you to try polyurethane condoms (available at most drug stores). These plastic condoms are effective in preventing disease, though you must take care to make sure they do not break or fall off. For most people, latex condoms, properly used with plenty of water-based lubricant, is the safest way to go. For true peace of mind, Glen Pruitt of SCAC suggests that sexually active men be tested regularly for the HIV antibody. If youve done something you suspect is risky, its wise to be tested right away and again in six months. Equally important, discuss your options with your partner. You might be surprised. Talking about what you are willing to do and how to get there with minimal risk can be a real turn-on. "Men do want to talk about how they have sex," says Richard Elovich, director of prevention for the Gay Mens Health Crisis (GMHC). His groups surveys and interview campaigns have reached more than 10,000 men in the New York metropolitan area. Elovich believes that "harm reduction" is a matter of "negotiating safety," and it can be most useful for partners to "think through specific encounters and describe in vivid intensity both the pleasure and the risks." Elovich points out that risks vary with each individuals situation and each desired act, including anal sex. "There is a difference between unprotected and unsafe anal intercourse," he argues. "In some cases the risk is so small that most would agree it can be discounted, as with a couple that has been monogamous since their last HIV negative tests or a couple in which neither partner has ever had penetrative sex. In other cases, where partners are of unknown or different (HIV) status, the same encounter can be extremely risky. Between these extremes, however, are a range of situations where the state of affairs is less clear-cut and where most men make most of their decisions most of the time." "Negotiated safety" means talking before acting, being honest with your partner, and making an informed decision about where to draw the line regarding what you are willing to do. Caring about the person youre with (as well as yourself) is of utmost importance. Or, as early AIDS activist Michael Callen once put it, "Affection may be our best protection against infection." For more tips on staying safe, check out the web site for The Body at www.thebody.com. The site offers a large library of articles on the subject of creative low-risk play. While youre on line, dont forget to fill out our 1999 CAMPsafe Mens Survey of Safe Sexual Practices at www.camprehoboth.com. It takes only a few minutes and your confidential answers will help expand all of our knowledge while assisting CAMPsafe in developing programming. And come and participate in our Mens Retreat Oct. 2-3 at the Renegade. Email: campsafe@camprehoboth.com to register, or drop us a note at CAMPsafe, 39 Baltimore Ave., Rehoboth Beach, DE 19971. We promise that it will be a very creative and informative weekend. Finally, have some safe fun with our CAMPsafe lifeguards at the second CAMP Safe-Tea Dance at Cloud 9, Sunday, July 25 from 5 to 8 p.m. with Robbie Leslie as our deejay. Theres no cover, plenty of free condoms and door prizes, and Rehoboth notables roasting a wienie or two on the patio. Dont miss it! Remember to have fun, play smart, and CAMPsafe! |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 9, No. 9, July 16, 1999 |