Ghouls and Zombies and Secrets in the Closet
by Murray Archibald
Ah Halloween! The closest we come to a national gay holiday! Most people enjoy dressing up in costume. Gay people love it. Maybe that’s because for much of our history we’ve had to wear masks and hide in the dark behind closet doors in order to survive.
Not too long ago, a straight friend of mine commented to me about a gay colleague. My friend noted in passing that she had counseled this colleague that it wasn't necessary to tell the people she worked with that she was gay. Its none of their business, I believe she said.
That quick conversation has been nibbling around the edges of my mind ever since. On the surface, our sexuality doesn't have to be the business of office co-workers; but, because in our hetero-tilting culture everyone is assumed to be straight unless told otherwise, not telling is a lie.
Its a subtle point that separates LGBT people from other minorities; we can hide who we are by simply not speaking up. That's the basis for don't ask, don't tell, and a slippery slope that slides us right into the open door of the nearest closet if we don't watch out.
With the National Equality March in Washington and the President vowing to end don't ask, don't tell, closets might seen a somewhat antiquated concept, but they haven't gone away and we shouldn't use them just because its easier not to speak up in certain situations. Its still a lie.
As children, were taught not to lie; and yet as children, we lie all the time because we haven't yet learned the power and freedom of truth - we haven't learned that lies (and closets) are damaging, hurtful places and that secrets - all secrets - have a way of eating out our hearts, devouring our souls, and pretty much turning us into modern day zombies.
This Halloween many of us will don masks and secret evil identities, and have a ball doing it. The next day, the makeup will come off, the mask will be tossed back into storage, and we'll be back to our old selves - or so we think. Sometimes, the mask has turned into the face and the key to its removal has been lost in the clutter on the closet floor.
The closet is the perfect setting for a Halloween horror story. Who can forget lying in bed as a child and seeing the dark, gaping grin of a slightly open closet door. The closet is also the perfect symbol for the evil damage that living a lie can cause in our lives.
A few days after that none of their business conversation, I awoke with a fully formed verse in my head.
Secrets in the closet lie
Barren in false darkness
Slowly becoming pale, blind
Insect things, afraid of the sun
Light poison to eyes hidden
And grown accustomed
To the long, long shadows
Of the closed shuttered door
To most of us the ghouls and zombies of Halloween are pure make-believe, and yet the dark pain that arises from hiding our true selves from one another is nothing less. Secrets and lies are themselves the magic potions that poison us from the inside out. One secret, one lie, infects the heart like an un-removed splinter, spreading infection to the rest of the body, to the mind, to the soul and to the heart.
The original, and still used, mission statement of CAMP Rehoboth includes this phrase: We seek to promote community well-being on all levels. Community well-being is based directly on the well-being of the individuals who make up the community - and it requires all of us to be honest with one another about who we are.
LGBT people certainly do not have a monopoly on living with secrets; we do have the experience and lesson of the closet to remind us to stand up and be free of the pain and distortion that comes from leading a double life.
This Halloween, as we hang our party masks back in the closet, we should make sure that's all we leave in there. Besides, who wants to wear a nasty old mask when ruby slippers and high hair are so much more fun!Ghouls, and Zombies and Drag Queens, oh my!
Murray Archibald, Founder and President of the Board of Directors of CAMP Rehoboth, is an artist in Rehoboth Beach.
(Photo: Claire Ippoliti, Natalie Moss, Al Bulliner, Evie Simmons, and Tom McGlone at the CAMP Rehoboth Development Advisory Workshop.)