LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMPTalk: Squeeze Plays |
by Bill Sievert |
It's time for another big holiday, an especially patriotic one, and the thoughts of most Americans are turning to the good old red, white and blue. That's red meat, white chocolate, and blueberry pie. An excuse to stuff ourselves to the point of discomfort is the reason we cherish our holidays so, whether our weapon of self-taxidermy is a picnic on the beach, a gourmet meal at a trendy bistro, or (most likely for many Rehoboth visitors) both. But someday we may think differently. How, what and where we eat have become very controversial topics, and the news of late is gorging us with fresh food for thought. The President flies to Florida to tell senior citizens that they can contribute to the war on terrorism by getting more exercise and eating their vegetables. (On the flight down from Washington, his staff dines on corned-beef sandwiches, steak fries and strawberry cheesecake.) Meanwhile, a bunch of hungry lawyers decides that our nation's addiction to fatty fries and burgers offers the ingredients for a tasty class-action suit perhaps the biggest since the campaign to blame the tobacco industry for the sins of smokers. Had the purveyors of fast-food franchises revealed the truth about the content of their (at-least) psychologically addictive product half a century ago when first tempting us with drive-up milkshakes and cheese-slathered white-flour buns, we might not have begun to swallow their line with such reckless abandon. And, the thinking goes, the American population would not have suffered such an explosion in size (they're not talking about numerical count) and related health problems in the decades since. How big of these lawyers to be so concerned with our personal welfare. Perhaps their next litigation will be against the television executives who have lured us away from physical activity and into our easy chairs, where they have rendered us comatose with gaseous programming. Whatever the cause, the average American clearly is getting bigger to the point that our airline industry is worried. Southwest Airlines is announcing that it will no longer allow oversized passengers on board its flights without a hefty penalty. Anyone who cannot comfortably fit into one of its 17-and-one-quarter inch seats will now be required to pay for a second seat. Employees are being trained to check hip width at the gate to assure no wide bodies get aboard their jets without paying the piper. They may have to set up a sample seat at their counters, right next to the signs that say, "Your carry-on items must take up no more than this much space." Anyone who flies regularly might be tempted to cheer Southwest's stance, which most likely will be adopted throughout the industry. It can be very unpleasant to be trapped in a center seat with a generously proportioned person on either side, intruding into what little personal space we are allotted. But the truth is that, even if there is no large person beside us, coach seats aren't comfortable for anybody. There is precious little wiggle room in a 17-inch seat, even for those of us with skinny little behinds. The average highchair for babies is 14-and-a-half inches wide, just slightly smaller than a Southwest seat, according to the folks at Babies R Us. The typical chair at a stadium-style movie theater is 22 inches. But, while theater seating is becoming more comfortable, most airlines believe the answer to their financial woes is to squeeze us in like many of us cram our belongings into suitcases. Perhaps the fairest answer is for the airlines to sell their space deli style, by the inch. "I'll have a 19-inch slice, please. And my mother here would like 22." Meanwhile, at upscale restaurants the problem for diners is not the width of the seats, but the amount of seating time allotted. If it seems like you're being rushed through your crme-brulee more often lately, you probably are. Though I'm sure this would never happen in any of Rehoboth's better eateries (even on a busy Fourth of July holiday), expensive dining establishments throughout the country are trying to turn tables more often by pushing their customers out the door. The Wall Street Journal quotes a Chicago restauranteur as describing the industry's current policy as, "Greet 'em, seat 'em, feed 'em and delete 'em." And the more expensive the restaurant, the more likely you are to be rushed. Servers are trained to grab up half-eaten bowls of soup and barely touched desserts without first inquiring as to whether a diner is finished. On the restaurant's computers, alarms sound and flags pop up when a table has overstayed its welcome. The length of time the welcome mat is out varies from place to place, but at many well-known bistros in New York, what used to be a pleasantly paced three-hour repast has become a 90-minute race from appetizer through dessert. Nationally, full-service restaurants were happy to average 1.3 seatings a night a decade ago; now the standard is 1.9, according to figures compiled by the National Restaurant Association. What's a hungry American to do? Gourmet restaurants are becoming fast-food places, and the fast-food outlets are being decried as the greatest threat to our health since Sir Walter Raleigh sucked up his first puff of smoke. At least the airlines have found one way to preserve the health of their tightly packed human cargo. They've pretty much stopped serving food in coach. There's really no place to put it anyway except on our thighs. If all this talk of food is making you hungry, here's one other item from the news that just might turn your stomach in a different direction. Fourth of July is the annual hot-dog eating contest at Coney Island, and it has become fiercely competitive. Last year's winner downed 50 dogs in a record-smashing 12 minutes. We know it's a record because such things are recorded by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. In the same way that the International Olympics Committee promotes traditional athletic endeavors, the IFOCE pushes the fast-growing "extreme" sport of overeating, whether it's a bratwurst event in Germany or a haggis-eating championship in Scotland. (If you don't know what haggis is, you'll just have to look it up.) Crowds of appreciative fans attend such events to see their favorite food stars throw down (without throwing up) whatever is on the day's bill of fare, from pounds of pizza to piles of jalapeno peppers. And, yes, many of these events are now televised, so we can enjoy them at home with a snack. It's small wonder that we've become such a big people, and that the American president has to take time out from his war on terrorism to hit the campaign trail in support of vegetables. No, I'm not talking about the re-election bid of his little brother in Florida. But, even within the First Family, a stubbornness about eating remains a problem. As George W. admits, he's still "working on" his own father to try to get him to eat his broccoli. Whatever you decide to partake of this holiday, have fun. But don't try to squeeze in too much of anything. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 12, No. 08, June 28, 2002. |