LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMP Safe |
by Sal Seeley |
Scheduled Maintenance
One of the things that I have a problem with is keeping my car clean and bringing it in for scheduled check-ups. Dwelling within my car is some extraterrestrial phenomenon known as the abyss. When I throw something in the back seat, it tends to disappear. I have no idea where these things disappear to. Oil changes, what are those? I believe that the magic car fairy will take care of those car things because I am too busy to worry. The other day, someone called me on this craziness and made me realize that the one thing (besides my car) that was suffering were the relationships in my life! This brings me to the topic of this issue. Scheduled maintenance. Relationships, no matter what kind they are, need maintenance. Friends, lovers, co-workers, family, no matter what, need work. Since I am safer sex Sal, I am going to concentrate on something called the "lover issue." A great way to practice safer sex is with someone you know. Whether you have known them for days, years, or minutes, lovers need maintenance. A variety of lovers can be a smorgasbord but it can be a whole lot of fun to have one main course that you really enjoy. Here of some of the things that work for me and what I have noticed work well for friends that I have that are in long-lasting, stable relationships. First and foremost, practice honesty and build trust. Lovers, friends and families need to be able to believe you and trust you so tell them the truth as best you can. Sometimes it is difficult but honesty is the best policy. A friend once told me, "I can deal with the truth no matter what it is because it is reality. Lies aren't." So be honest. Second, make uninterrupted time for each other. Even if it is only for five minutes, screen out the rest of the world and let them know that they have your undivided attention. Forget work, phone calls, the checkbook, school and everything. Make them feel that they are it! Next, be silly! Do silly simple things to show you care. Send a card for no reason. Wear some clothes that they like. Call them and just say, I was thinking about you! Try flowers. A few years ago, I met a buddy for breakfast after having spent the night with him. I passed a store on the way and picked up a rose for him. I got to the restaurant first and dropped it in his coffee cup! Boy, did I get some mileage out of that simple gesture. Do simple thingsthey don't have to be expensive or extravagant, just from the heart. Sex is an important part of any healthy relationship and it is one of the things that cause so many problems. If you practice the things that I just mentioned, I think the sex will be easier or at least not such a big issue. But don't forget it. It is a great way to show that you care, just like wearing a condom. Try to be available to your partner; it keeps things running more smoothly. Communicate. Everything I have said to this point is really about communication. That means talk and listen. Remember you do not have to always use your mouth or ears to talk and listen. An important thing about communication is to do it from your heart and try to keep growing from your efforts. This brings me to my last bit of advice. Grow. We have all had relationships we consider mistakes or have done lots of things that weren't good or good for us. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you are going to keep making them. Consider everything you do an opportunity for growth. A mistake isn't a mistake, it is a learning experience. Everything is a learning experience from the things you do well to the things you mess up miserably. Look, analyze and learn. Relationships are a great opportunity for lifelong learning! The rewards can keep you happy and smiling for years! Be safe and be happy! CAMPsafe is an HIV/AIDS Education and Prevention program funded through a contract with the Delaware Division of Public Health. Free, anonymous HIV testing is offered at CAMP Rehoboth, 39 Baltimore Avenue. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call Sal Seeley at 302-227-5620. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 13, No. 14 October 17, 2003 |