LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP: Transitions |
by Kristen Minor |
From my window I can see the fall colors of New England. I've always loved November, and the leaves in New England make the ones at home look like they've been washed in gray. It's National Coming Out Month at Dartmouth. Apparently, just one day isn't enough herethe Dartmouth Rainbow Alliance (DRA) has a whole month of workshops, visibility events, and fun stuff. I'm in charge of most of it, as I was recently elected co-chair of the Alliance. When I told my girlfriend, she was not at all surprised. I think I've been pegged. In what is apparently quite unusual, there are a lot of very vocal, out and proud members of the freshman class. We've been dubbed "the damn gay '04s," and I think it has a wonderful ring to it. Among the circle of damn gay '04s, there are several people who are out for the first time. My friend Audrey, for example, came out for the first time here. She'd never told a single person before she set foot on campus. There are quite a few members of the DRA who are the same way. Here I thought that I was experiencing culture shock. It's strange, watching people who never dared speak of their sexual orientation come to a place where it's not an issue. Or at least it's not something that's going to affect them like it did in high school. In high school, I couldn't avoid anyone. Here, it's the complete opposite. If I want to see someone, I usually have to set up a time and place to meet or have a regular lunch date. Even if you do the same activity as someone, it doesn't mean that you'll actually interact with him or her. There's a strange freedom here, and I like it. At the same time, I've been watching the abuses of said freedom. The most common example centers on the DarCards. They're our student identification. They're also debit cardsyou use them to purchase food, school supplies, etc. Many of the local restaurants accept them. I haven't touched paper currency in a month. It's very easy to buy things with invisible money. Depressingly so, in fact. I hesitate to count the number of times that I have been tempted to buy something inane because I can. I usually resist temptation. (It was so hard to admit that I didn't need every single DVD featuring Jodie Foster, though. Respect my strength.) Others, however, have managed to acquire that attractive stripe on their cards that comes from having it be put through a scanner approximately 8-10 times a day. Abuses seem to correlate with a past history of restriction. Is it any wonder, then, that when a kid who's never been out before goes to a college where being out isn't going to cause their world to end, bad things can happen? I have a theory that there are stages that almost every gay teen goes through. First is the confusion and angst, then the terrified stage, and then the eventual coming out. After coming out is the stage known as "rainbow rainbow lah lah lah." It is extremely easy to pick out someone in this stage. These are the boys who used to dress conservatively but now set passing shrubbery on fire. These are the girls who shave their heads and wear flannel with hiking boots. I'm not talking about expressing oneself as per individual preference, I'm talking about people who Seek To Look As Gay As Humanly Possible, usually by trying to pour themselves into a handy stereotype. In this stage, Gay is Good. If someone is gay, they are automatically a wonderful person. What this often leads to is unfortunate. "You're gay. I'm gay. You're reasonably attractive to me. Let's hook up." Did I do this? Yes. Except in my particular case, way back in freshman year of high school, the girl who was returning my doting gaze freaked out after a kiss or two, so I didn't end up doing anything I would later regret. I know others who have not been so lucky. It's a strange position to be inlooking at some of my friends who are out for the first time and who are going through the overwhelming feeling of having someone of the same sex return attraction. I've tried to warn a few that once the fuzzy bunny feelings have worn off, they might realize that whatshisname isn't their actual soul mate. The warnings are usually ignored. I admire the desire of the human race to make its own mistakes. It's dating and having sex without having anything behind the initial attraction. I know that it's common, and I know that it happens regardless of sexual orientation, but that doesn't stop it from scaring the hell out of me. I have seen some of my guy friends become slut puppies. I have begged them to use condoms, given them condoms, and taken them to be tested for STDs. And in some cases I've seen them test positive. I've been accused of being an uptight prude. This is probably true. It's not that I don't approve of dating and sex and all of that wonderful stuff, it's that I want the people that I love (and, for that matter, anyone else) to stay safe. According to the school paper, there's been a chlamydia outbreak on campus. At least the occurrence of cases has gone up this quarter. Many people are blaming the 04s. My all freshman dorm has considered adopting the slogan "The River! Fit, fun, and STD free!" Obviously, the problem isn't merely the fault of randy freshmanto suggest that upperclassmen haven't been bed hopping is absurd. I will admit that I don't have a ready solution to this problem. I avoided this culture shock because I was out in high school and had moved on to the stage known as "cynical" by the time I got here. First loveor, more accurately, first lustis a wonderful thing. I just wish it were ingrained in the skulls of the populace that safe first love is even more wonderful. I hand out condoms as needed to do my part. Despite this, I always end up feeling that there's something more that needs to be done. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 10, No. 14, Oct. 20, 2000. |