LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Fitness at the Beach: Believe It Or Not |
by Rick Moore |
Have you ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci Fi Channel? For those of you who have, you probably know that it features a guy and his two robot friends who banter constantly with snappy, catty reviews of "B" movies from years ago. You know how they make comments after certain scenes and you always wished you could do the same thing? Well, guess what! I just got the latest issue of a big-name bodybuilding magazine, and after reading it, I have a few comments Id like to make myself! These are just observations on my part and are solely my opinions. You may agree with me, or you may not. But lets have some fun with it "Weight Gainer Powders"Youve seen the ads for "Weight Gain 50,000." Theres Mr. Olympia, standing with a huge can of this product. Why, hes the spokes-model, and of course, he got to be Mr. Olympia by taking this supplement. Right! Sure! What he doesnt tell you is that its 95% sugar, and very expensive sugar at that, considering the product costs over $50. You can buy a 5 pound bag of sugar at the grocery store and save yourself $48! Do you really think this guy looks the way he does because he drinks this stuff? You be the judge. (Of course, his $50,000 drug bill for human growth hormone, insulin, steroids, painkillers, and the like doesnt hurt.) "Supplement Research"A new supplement being promoted very heavily in these magazines is "tribulus terrestris." Its supposedly a big hormone booster. Does it really work? Is there any research on it? Why yes, of course there is! One study performed on boars (the animal, not the human type) reported a dramatic recovery of libido and improved sexual reflex time, even in animals that had long been impotent. Silly me, I was saving my money for a prostheses for my poor impotent boar! All I have to do now is give him this stuff, and hell be able to get it up! Yahoo! Why not give him Viagra? "Ads Packaged as News"This months issue features the latest, unbiased reporting on a hot new supplement to help you gain strength without resorting to drugs. Great! I read through the whole article and thought there might be something to it. Boy, was I suckered in. The last paragraph had an 800-number telling me to call and have my credit card ready! This supplement cost $300! These magazines have evolved into sneaky, sophisticated catalogs. There is no "reporting" anymore, just marketing. And theyre making a mint off their readers. "Gigantic Fake Boobs"The latest "health look" for many women, it seems, are massive mammaries. This has been a trend for decades, but in the past couple of years, its gotten totally out of hand. Many professional female bodybuilders dont have any body fat because of their extreme dieting. When they get that lean, their love handles arent the only things that disappear. Breast tissue is mostly made up of fat, so they end up flat-chested. To give themselves a more feminine look, theyve opted for surgical implants of titanic proportions. Not only do they look phony, their poor backs must really ache! Is this really necessary? "200 Pound Dumbbells"Some big-name pro wants to demonstrate his own personal workout. The pictures in the magazine show him in various poses using huge dumbbells for chest presses and putting 1,000 pounds on the leg machine. Are these weights real? I know for a fact that I cant handle those weights, nor can most other bodybuilders. Come back to Earth! We need to be more realistic. "Gossip Columns"Theyre usually about the same people doing the same petty things. Whos been put in jail and whos still in jail seem to be the hot topics of late. The top causes of these brushes with the law? Beating your wife and/or selling steroids. Were also treated to the latest list of bodybuilders whove torn a pec, ripped a bicep, or blown out their liver. Of course, these tidbits are sometimes accompanied by graphic photos of big black-and-blue marks. I stay up at night, wondering if so-and-so bodybuilder is OK! "Letters From Readers"Why is it that most of the readers just fawn and gush over the latest pill, powder or drink that they bought from an ad in the magazine? How come no one writes in and says they thought the stuff was crap and a waste of money? And funny, when you turn the page, theres the ad again, for those of you who missed it last time! These arent real letters, are they? What ever happened to fan mail? "Bad Mouthing the Competition"Whether its a competing magazine or a competing bodybuilder, no one has anything nice to say. It seems as though professional bodybuilders are acting more and more like professional wrestlers! And why not? Their contests are probably just as rigged. What ever happened to natural bodybuilding for healths sake? Weve begun to accept these mass-monsters as the norm, when their bodies are actually not attainable without huge amounts of drugs. Dig up some old bodybuilding magazines from 10 or 20 years ago and youll see what I mean. So there you have it. Am I the only one, or have you noticed these things, too? Let me know what you think! See you at the beach. Rick Moore is a personal trainer certified by the American Fitness Professionals & Associates. He believes in common-sense, drug-free training. Visit him at Ricks Fitness & Health, Inc., in beautiful downtown Milton. Check out his website at http://www.enrapt.com/ricksfitness, or give him a call at (302) 684-3669. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 8, No. 8, July 3, 1998. |