You've Come A Long Way, Baby
by John D. Siegfried
That was the phrase popularized in the seventies by Virginia Slims in their marketing attempt to link smoking to women's emancipation and empowerment. With a simple pronoun change it can be an equally powerful logo for women and men who are lesbian and gay. Weve come a long way.
I was acutely reminded of how far weve come reading the Sunday edition of the New York Times Magazine for September 27. The cover featured the photo of a thirteen year old boy from Sand Springs, Oklahoma under a banner heading of Coming Out In Middle School. The article documented the swelling number of young people who are coming out as gay or lesbian in their early teen or pre-teen years.
Austin, the slender, gangly, soft featured boy in the cover photo says he doesn't have to play the pretend game anymore. Hes come out to his close friends at middle school and most have been supportive. He hadn't planned to come out to his mom right away, but he told his cousin he was gay. The cousin told another girl, who told her mother, who told Austin's mom and then my mom told me.
Austin attends weekly dances at Openarms Youth Project in Tulsa, which, according to the founders, Tim Gillean and his partner Ken Draper, is practically overrun with supportive moms. Well over a hundred kids turn up at Openarms weekly dances and they come from all over the state of Oklahoma. This is the same state and the same city thats home to Oral Roberts University, a bastion of evangelical conservatism. We truly have come a long way, baby.
Men and women of my generation, the gay and gray gang, frequently didn't come out until adulthood--some of us not until we were already married and with a family. For the baby boomer generation, coming out was more of a college and young adult phenomenon, but in middle school? Unheard of!
The question, of course, has come up whether a twelve, thirteen or fourteen year old can truly say they are gay or lesbian. After all, early adolescence is a time for exploring and trying on different identities. Eileen Ross, the director of a support service organization for gay youth in Mountain View, California points out that when a 12-year-old boy matter-of-factly tells his parents or a school counselor that he likes girls, the reaction is generally one of acceptance. No one registers disbelief, dismissal, or rejection. No one says, Are you sure? You're too young to know it's just a phase.
But that's what we say too often to gay youth. We deny them their feelings and truth in a way we never do with a heterosexual young person.
One 15 year old from Michigan said he knew he was different in second grade--I just didn't put a name to it until I was 11. When his parents questioned, How do you know what your sexuality is if you haven't had any sexual experience? his insightful response was, Should I go and have one and then report back?
Interviews with the middle school kids who are coming out universally indicate they have been aware of their difference from ages five, six and seven. That's a phenomenon gays and lesbians of all age groups can verify. But the increased public information about homosexuality and the increased public acceptance of homosexuality have created a climate where middle school kids can now do that which was unthinkable a decade or so ago.
Dan Woog, an openly gay high school soccer coach and a frequent contributor to Letters, says, The biggest difference Ive seen in the last 10 years isn't with gay kids it's with their families. Many parents just dont assume anymore that their kids will have a sad, difficult life just because they are gay.
Yes, we've come a long way--and there's still a long way to go. Many of these kids who are coming out face bullying and ostracism in their schools. More than 120 middle schools across the country have formed gay-straight alliance (G.S.A.) groups with the goal of making their school campus safer. Most middle schools, teachers and administrators, are totally unprepared for students coming out and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Educators Network (GLSEN) in a recent survey reported 81% of gay, bisexual and transgender middle schoolers interviewed reported being regularly harassed at school because of their sexual orientation.
That's why the Equality March in Washington was important. There's a whole generation coming along who deserve a land with equality for all.
John Siegfried, a former Rehoboth resident who now lives in Ft. Lauderdale, maintains strong ties to our community and can be reached at hsajds@aol.com.