Feeling at Home and Whole
Fighting as a 20-year-old Marine in the South Pacific during World War II, my father was shot in the hand by a sniper. His hand was badly injured, and he was flown to a medical ship offshore from where he had been fighting in the Battle of Tarawa.
On board the chaos of the medical ship he was confronted by a surgeon who had been operating on injured Marines for two days. “We’re going to have to amputate your hand,” the surgeon announced to my father. “No, please don’t, I’m a baseball pitcher, this is my pitching hand,” my dad begged. “Tell you what, let me get some sleep and I’ll be back to see you in four hours,” the surgeon replied.
At age 20, my father’s salient identity was that of being a baseball pitcher. He pitched in college (before he left for the war) and in the Marine Corps at Parris Island before leaving for the South Pacific. The thought of losing his ability to pitch baseball added to the trauma of his physical injury—how would he feel “whole?” Without baseball, the camaraderie of his teammates, and the shared experiences, my dad laid in bed on the medical ship wondering, “who will I be without my hand and without baseball?”
After four hours of sleep the doctor returned and announced to my dad that he was going to send him to the Pearl Harbor Hospital on the island of Oahu. Although my dad’s hand was saved by a very skilled surgeon, he lost his ability to pitch baseball. He grieved not feeling whole and spent many years rehabilitating his hand, his spirit, and his identity.
When talking with some potential community partners, I get asked, “What does CAMP Rehoboth do?” The real question in their minds is “what do you produce, what is your outcome?”
To answer this question, I have talked with many people over the past five months. I have asked, “What does CAMP Rehoboth personally mean to you?” Answers include vibrant stories of friends, festivals, Sundance, community, group houses, restaurants, weekends, vacations, and fun times.
When I drill into these answers with more questions, I hear the following, repeatedly: “CAMP Rehoboth has created an environment where it is safe for me to feel whole; I don’t have to hide who I am at my core.” The answer implies a less transactional process. The outcome of CAMP Rehoboth’s collective work is transformational.
Putting aside or hiding parts of ourselves, especially the most salient parts of our identities, is exhausting and stressful. The costs to our relationships, friendships, families, work, and careers are typically debilitating. Most importantly, the cost to our health can be immense. The cumulative impact sneaks up on us.
Creating environments, experiences, and opportunities where we feel at home with ourselves is a spectacular outcome. Feeling at home with ourselves is feeling whole. We feel more integrated with freed-up energy that had been expended hiding. Imagine flourishing across an entire lifespan, always feeling at home and whole. Being able to bring our full and whole selves to all parts of life is wondrous.
We can certainly be proud of the CAMP Rehoboth community! And, we know there is more we must do, especially with our youth, our elders, our trans siblings, and our BIPOC family. Let’s imagine and make it happen. For now, take a breath and get ready for our next steps. I look forward to working together in 2024. ▼
Kim Leisey, PhD, is Executive Director of CAMP Rehoboth.