Heart of Gold, Hands of Love
What to do when one retires? If you are anything like Alan Spiegelman, you get on the computer and search “volunteer.” The opportunity that jumped out at him right away was a volunteer position with Delaware Hospice.
Hospice care has been a focus of caring for Alan for over three decades. While living in New York City before moving to Rehoboth, Alan sat at the bedsides of many people near and at the moment of death. He prayed for them and held their hands. As Hospice Chaplain, he has married (in New York City) gay couples with one partner on the precipice of death, and, when asked, has administered last rites.
Alan shares how important it is to help people visualize scenes that take their focus away from their suffering and lead them forward to a peaceful death. “I helped them see the Hand of God who was waiting for them with open arms. I told the patients to look for white daisies and see how beautiful they were.” Sometimes the hospice patients needed permission to die without family present. Alan gave them that permission.
CAMP Rehoboth became a new venue for his volunteer work after he attended a volunteer session at CAMP some years ago, where he learned about the variety of opportunities available. A new program was beginning at CAMP, and it was this that sparked Alan’s interest. A pilot program for HIV testing and counseling was about to start, and he was ready for the challenge. Following a three-day training session, the program began. The program has since grown. Today, there are five HIV testers active through the efforts of CAMP.
When Alan meets with someone to oversee the HIV testing, he educates them about the testing process, safe and unsafe sex, oral sex, how to properly use a condom, any recent breakthroughs in medicines, and makes sure that all questions the person may have are answered. No topic is off limits. Of course, confidentiality is essential.
Serving as a volunteer in the LGBTQ+ community is not a 9-5 thing. No one “clocks off” from awareness of people in need. This is especially the case when involved with people who are disenfranchised from their families. Alan shares a particularly difficult situation he literally walked into.
Alan was walking the Rehoboth Boardwalk one day and happened to see a young man sitting on a bench in tears. Alan walked over to him and asked if he needed help. The young man said that no one could help him, that no one cares. Alan simply replied, “I care.” As this person regained his composure, he told Alan what was happening in his life that brought him to this point.
“I recently told my parents that I was gay. They screamed at me. They yelled that I was going to die from HIV. They called me a [expletive for gay]. They told me to get out of this house and don’t ever come back!” Alan told this man that his parents really do love him. “Would you like me to talk to them?” With his permission, Alan called the parents and arranged a meeting.
At this impromptu gathering, the parents asked Alan why their son was gay. He explained that when a child is born, they are either gay or straight. “Your son is sitting here on the Boardwalk crying because he loves you but you no longer love him. Up until the time he told you he was gay you loved him. Do you really want him to leave your house?” They replied “no, but he is gay!”
Alan shared that being gay is not a disease. Their son was born gay. If they still loved him, would they tell him so, and ask him to come back home? After some soul-searching reflection, they did just that.
With Alan’s help, this family navigated the unknown territory of accepting their son as gay. This was not in Alan’s position description as a volunteer HIV tester at CAMP Rehoboth, but this situation presented itself at a time and place when Alan was able to change lives.
Not everything connected with HIV testing has a happy ending. In fact, the future of HIV testing in Delaware is being threatened. The state will cut funding for HIV prevention by $1.8 million in 2024. The ramifications of this are difficult to project, but will certainly result in many programs being curtailed or cease altogether.
“No matter the cuts, CAMP Rehoboth is still committed to providing the services we can with the resources we have and partnering with other organizations to provide the best services possible,” says Kim Leisey, Executive Director.
These are definitely uncertain times in which we live. We need more people like Alan Spiegelman, changing lives each day with compassion. We need more people with hearts of gold and hands of love. ▼
David Garrett, a CAMP Rehoboth Board member, is a straight advocate for equality and inclusion. He is also the proud father of an adult trans daughter. Email David Garrett at davidg@camprehoboth.com.