LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMPOUT: A Rehoboth Journal - Put It In Your Ear |
by Fay Jacobs |
Did you hear the news about a scientific experiment which seemed to prove a biological link to lesbianism? It noted that lesbians have fewer inner ear echoes (whatever they are) than straight women but still more than men. I dont think they figured out where gay men are on the ear echo scale but it doesnt take a scientific study to prove that somebody isnt listening. The scientist who did the study didnt rule out that lesbians might have had external forces which diminished their hearing and mysterious ear echoes. His examples? Loud music, motorcycle engines and shotguns. Did this guy get into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasnt looking? Welcome to stereotypical hell. Obviously, this man hasnt heard of lesbian chic and lipstick lifestyles. I dont know about you, but maybe this lesbian has fewer ear echoes because Im fed up with listening to brainless, muddled media reports like that one. Its a good thing Edward R. Morrow is dead because five minutes of 1998 TV news would kill him. First it was "Two die in highway crash. Film at eleven". At least the first sentence was news. Presumably the second part was to attract viewers who were sorry they couldnt actually enjoy the highway carnage in person. When the lure of mere film paled in the ratings, promotion managers tried questions. "Judge rules in the Menendez case. Will they go free? Verdict at eleven." News as quiz show. I dont want to have to buy enough vowels to find out the story. A couple of months ago I almost drove off the road with "Carla Fay Tucker was scheduled to be put to death today. Did the Texas execution go forward? Well have the report at six." While Im conflicted about capital punishment in general, Im all for it in the case of that stations promotion manager. Its supposed to be NEWS. If they have enough information to put together a teaser, they know enough to tell us the story right then and there. Period. And now, the media blabfest about that hideous violence in our schools. So what does the network do? After talking in solicitous, hushed tones about the stress youngsters face after these incidents, they stick a microphone in front of a ten year old and ask him to describe the horrific images he sees when he closes his eyes. "How frightened are you? Do you think youll ever put this tragedy behind you?" "Are you having trouble sleeping?" AGHHHH! Brought to you by these same morons, sanctimoniously concerned about the mental health of our youngsters, came the BREAKING NEWS!!! BROADCAST LIVE!!! NEVER BEFORE SHOWN ON TV!!!! A MAN SHOOTING HIMSELF AND THEN SETTING HIMSELF ON FIRE!!!! If that wasnt reprehensible enough, the idiot news producers broke into a CARTOON SHOW to broadcast the immolation. And whats the story with these special "crisis logos" that TV stations design. Reeboks need logos; wars do not. Are journalists afraid well be bored just watching Brokaw read the news? Isnt a shot of a bloody mangled car or a grainy security camera hold-up scene good enough? Now we have to have some graphic designers concept of the story. From the glitzy camouflage-colored "Operation Desert Storm" logos to the smarmy "O.J. on Trial" artwork, news logos set a new low standard for infotainment. This latest round of logo-inducing news takes the cake. Now Im not going off on Washington scandals, but I do think its a perfect example of the kind of complete moral collapse that has affected not the presidency, not the youth of America, not (as our foes love to say) the homosexual community, but the media themselves. Am I being overly dramatic? I dont think so. Racing for ratings, TV stations waited about three seconds into this latest mess to design "White House in Crisis" logos to hawk their cheap promotional sleaze. How sensational do we get before news is science fiction? Or are we already there? When a story breaks, thats news. When theres no more news to report stations and newspapers should just shut up. Instead, they keep the story in front of us by interviewing witnesses once or twice removed and worse, self-described "experts" pontificating about what it will mean if we should actually hear something new. Last night on the tube we got 20 minutes of scandal with no new facts, just recounted drivel from anonymous leaksinformational chum as a friend of mine calls it. Meanwhile, economic news gets 40 seconds, tobacco legislation is a blip, and theres a tiny story about the Federal budget and tax revisions with no explanation whatever though it will affect us all in the wallet, a place Monica Lewensky or Kathleen Wiley will never touch us, no matter who else theyve touched and where. And while were on the topic, is it really necessary for the media to go beyond using the word "grope?" Were adults, we know what it means. Its bad enough that the grand jury members have to hear the details about the presidents, um...member, but over breakfast, I dont want to read that the Commander-in-Chief had a stiffie in the Oval Office. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! They put that ridiculous parental warning on our old friend Ellen, where the content was absurdly less offensive than on any given Drew Carey or Baywatch, but didnt put it on the 5 oclock news where it belongs. Which is not to say political laundry and scandals shouldnt be responsibly sorted out. But, respecting whats left of the justice system has got to be at least as important as selling newspapers and winning ratings. I say we take back the news. Lets rise up against news being part of the television ratings system. If they cant figure out how much to charge for ads, run them for free. That would be news. Amidst all the tantalizing scandal-mongering last week I heard an NPR (which, to my disappointment, was not free of cheesy scandal coverage) report that the Antarctic continental shelf is cracking, melting and in danger of sending out icebergs that could one day sink civilization like the mighty Titanic. Well still be hearing about Monica Lewenskys hairdresser when they come through with bullhorns telling us to evacuate Delaware because Nebraska will be beachfront. Well I dont know about you, but Im thinking of buying a Harley and heading off to the firing range where I cant hear this stuff. Frankly, that makes as much sense as hanging around to have the evening news echo in my ears. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 8, No. 6, June 5, 1998. |