LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
BOOKED Solid |
Review by Rebecca James |
Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler, 2001 I don't know how many times I've heard people say, myself included, that it would be great to begin life as an adult and become more child-like as we grow older. Not childish, we definitely have plenty of examples of these types of people around, but child-like. Carefree, happy-actively cultivating exactly what simple pleasures suit our immediate needs without ever doing anything to hurt someone that can't be fixed with an "I'm sorry" and a kiss. Get the hard lessons out of the way early, then spend the rest of our lives enjoying life. I love the beach because it encompasses two very different kinds of people, both of which illustrate the benefits of this reverse life development. First, you have the dedicated souls who spent the first thirty to forty years of their lives working jobs that require more time than someone like me thought existed in a month, let alone a week. They own the beautiful, expensive vacation homes I envy so much, but rarely do they spend time in the homes outside of the weekend. Relaxation is a primary, but serious goal for this group. Conversely, at the beach you find a second type. The beach is a way of life; an attitude, not a destination. These people invariable put in many hours at work too, but their approach is much different. They spend their lives following their hearts, getting by, and finding someplace inside them that is freer than the rest of us will ever be. Most of us probably fall somewhere in between, seeking one extreme or the other. I admire both, but at heart, I am sleepy, sandy afternoons where tomorrow is a long way away. The beach brings out both of these attitudes in people, I think, and anyone who is drawn to it, like both of the examples above, is seeking a return to an earlier stage, an uncomplicated place still inside. Anne Tyler's latest book is a unique look at someone who took this journey without ever consciously making the decision to shift perspective. Looking back from age fifty-three, she wonders at her serious, younger twenty-something self and wonders if she made the right decision. This seemed so different from the attitudes I encounter at the beach that I was immediately intrigued-could someone actually regret the free spirit they had become? Rebecca was a quiet, serious college student when she met Joe Davitch, a man more than a dozen years her senior, divorced with three young daughters. She was academically ambitious, a girl who had never really been a child. She had been "sixteen-going-on-forty" in high school, and even in college, life was not much different. Her steady was a sweet, delicate boy she had known most of her life, one who shared her intelligent, subdued nature. Everything changed, however, when Rebecca attended an engagement party at the Davitch home, a professional party space called the Open Arms. By chance, Joe Davitch saw Rebecca laughing at the party. He assumed she was a fun-loving, cheerful, young woman, and Rebecca never corrected him. She was completely swept away by his large family, his life of parties, and the sheer volume of emotion in the house. Within weeks of their meeting, Rebecca left college, her mother, her boyfriend, and her quiet life behind. Six years into their marriage, Joe died, leaving Rebecca to run the Open Arms and the family. It is only years later, after a family picnic ends in shambles, that Rebecca steps back and wonders how she came to be a person so different from the "grownup" she had once been. Her life at fifty-three was comfortable, happy, chaos, but somehow undignified. She dreams of a life she might have had, a PhD, a marriage to academia and an academic. Life with an introverted son named Tristram or Ethan or something equally solemn. A place without the drama she somehow had as "Beck Davitch" rather than "Dr. Rebecca Allenby." As the months pass, this older Rebecca begins to feel like she is living two separate lives, one fake as "Beck" and one true, the imagined life she left behind. She contacts her college boyfriend and begins to neglect her duties at the Open Arms. But what Rebecca actually discovers is that life was not necessarily any better "back when we were grownups." By marrying Joe, Rebecca left the adult in her behind and found the spirit inside her that so many of us come to the beach to find-laughter, a chosen family, love. Back When We Were Grownups is probably one of my favorite books by Anne Tyler. I usually have mixed feelings about her characters, but Rebecca's confusion about her true self is one with which I think many readers can identify. Tyler develops a wide array of family members, too, and each one has a unique relationship with Rebecca, who emerges as a new unsuspecting family matriarch of sorts. The cast includes her 100 year-old uncle-in-law, Poppy; her brother-in-law, Zeb; three step-daughters and one biological daughter; their husbands (a troupe unto themselves, including a fitness nut, a corporate lawyer, a gay co-parent, and a Muslim); and a host of grandchildren, cousins and everything in between. Rebecca's acceptance of the choices she made is inspiring; her journey is both humorous and endearing. If you've ever questioned whether the type of person you've become is the person you should be, Rebecca will make you realize it really all does work itself out for the best -as long as you make it to the beach, that is. Rebecca James currently lives in Allentown, Pennsylvania, where she is completing a B.A. in English. She visits Rehoboth Beach frequently, and hopes to return full-time next summer. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 12, No. 10, July 26, 2002. |