LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Gay 'n Gray |
by John Siegfried |
Put a nickel on the drum, Save another drunken bum. Sing Hallelujah!
That's the refrain of a camp song I learned as a camp counselorabout one hundred and fifty years ago. Well, some days it seems that long ago. It's one of the multi-million parodies of the Salvation Army that have been fodder for Laugh In, Saturday Night Live, and New Yorker cartoons for ages. It came to mind recently when I read The Washington Post account of the Salvation Army and The White House caught playing kneesey together (or was it Drop the Soap?). I grew up with a firm respect for the Salvation Armyand the Boy Scouts too, for that matter. My SA image is of cheery, cherry cheeked bell ringers puffing frosty thank-you's for coins dropped in the Christmas kettles they tend outside stores and shopping malls. I saw them as a charity dedicated to feeding, clothing and helping those down and out. And I put my nickel on the drum whenever the opportunity presented itself. I certainly never conceived of them as the largest charity in the US, which happens to be the case. My only personal and direct contact with the Salvation Army was one occasion I served as Rotary Chairman-of- the-Day and the speaker for the event was a visiting Salvation Army Colonel from England. To introduce the speaker I solicited a Salvation Army joke from the nurses in the Newborn Nursery of a local hospital when I made my morning rounds. For reasons that have always been obscure to me, nurses in general, and nursery nurses in particular, can produce a dozen jokes on any topic at a moment's notice. By the time I left the hospital I had my introduction. The story I planned to use was of the young man visiting New York City who called Salvation Army Headquarters and with a note of desperation in his voice inquired whether it was true that the Salvation Army could save a bad girl. The Army Captain responding, sensing the intensity in the caller's voice, tried to be reassuring and said that, while he couldn't promise anything, certainly the Salvation Army would do everything it possibly could to help the young man. With relief and joy the caller exclaimed, Oh, that's wonderful, would you save me two for Saturday night please? To my dismay the visiting Colonel turned out to be a gray haired matronly looking woman, an inflated version of the Queen Mum. Her pince-nez glasses played touch with her belly button. I spent the entire luncheon, preceding my introduction and her talk, toying with my Waldorf Salad and debating did I dare to use my Salvation Army joke in the presence of such a distinguished looking speaker. As things turned out it was good that I toyed with the salad. I found out after the fact that some of the raisins in the salad were actually dead flies. And while alternative proteins may have a place in nutrition, dead flies aren't on my dietary list. I told my story as part of the introduction of our visitor and when I finished the local Army commandant jumped up and said, Well, I don't know about saving two. But we saved one, and here she is, Colonel Angela so and so. So, my feelings toward the Salvation Army, until recently, have always been positive. But I didn't know that my nickels and thousands of others, for whatever good they might be doing, were also going to support a more than million dollar Salvation Army lobbying effort in Washington to insure that the SA and other religious groups receiving government funds would be allowed to practice hiring discrimination against gays and lesbians. According to an internal Salvation Army document quoted by The Post, the Salvation Army had a firm commitment from The White House that a regulation would be issued protecting charities such as the Salvation Army from state and city laws that prevent discrimination against gays in hiring and domestic partner benefits. In return for the regulation the SA was to lobby Congress, and other religious groups, to support the Administration's faith-based charities initiative. Predictably, by sunset of the day the story broke, the White House denied any such deal and, in the days following, The White House ran out of fingers playing their game of Pointer (and I don't mean Sister). It was all a Salvation Army fantasy. They're serving too much mushroom soup in the SA mess and no one's checking the quality of the mushrooms. It's a "no win" for the White House and for the Salvation Army. They both appear devious, deceitful, bigoted, and untrustworthy. Perhaps it's a disease they caught from the BSA. The only winner in all this mess is the American public who now has a clearer view of how these organizations operate. At least for a public that has grown used to Washington entities caught with their pants down, this provides a variation on the theme. I'm sure I'm not the only one who, come holiday time, will find the beat of a different drummer to donate to. John Siegfried, a retired association executive, resides in Rehoboth Beach and Ft. Lauderdale. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 10, July 27, 2001 |