LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP: So Many Times Before |
by Kristen Minor |
Whenever you get a group of gay people together to discuss their parents things tend to get grim very quickly. There are those whose parents never speak of it and instead suffer quiet illusions about whose company their children prefer. There are those who are supportive, or who are supportive in time. And there are those who go absolutely off-the-wall insane over their children's sexuality.
Not everyone is around to tell their stories, especially those in the latter group. I have known queers who have come out to their parents and promptly had said parents go utterly crazed with hatred and confusion. Sometimes when a parent says that they have no son, they promptly go to not having a son in the literal sense on account of the kid blowing his head off a few days later. I can only wonder how many people actually believe that a dead kid is better than a live homo. I am so sick of burying the children of cowards who put ideology in front of family. The aftermath of these instances is often difficult. How do you say to your own family, "Oh, I'm upset because a friend of mine killed herself after her parents reacted badly to her coming out... oh, wait, just like you did?" I don't want to say that parents should react to their children's coming out with roses and rainbows, as this is rarely the case. I also don't want to say that a child's suicide is the fault of the parents. Clearly in the end it is a personal choice. But amid all of these complicated feelingssuicide, coming out, depression, and families that are difficult to articulateare some disturbing trends that we need to fight against. It is an oft-quoted statistic that queer teens are several times more likely to kill themselves than their straight peers. We are also more likely to engage in most every other sort of self-destructive behaviordrinking, promiscuity, and drugs, among other things. The gay community has created a variety of different resources to help allay these problems. But all of the PFLAG meetings in the world don't help fundamentalist parents who refuse to go. Support groups are similarly relatively unable to provide much more than books, pamphlets, and a hug to children who have been disowned by their families after not getting so much as a "thank you for being straight with us." We can put rainbow family stickers on our cars and talk about making our own brothers and sisters all day long, but it really would be nice to have the people who raised us on board with this nutty acceptance idea as well. What we as a community need to do is look at ourselves. Are we actually a community of any sort, or just an outcast diaspora thrown together just because we want to sleep with our own? If the former is true, and I believe that it is, how do we help ourselves? And more importantly, how do we reach those who think us unaccessable? And who wants to stop living a comfortable life and actually do that? Once again I find myself at a loss for a reasonable solution. The only thing that comes to mind is mass education of the ignorant, making the schools gay friendly, and doing all of those other things that are on the "radical gay agenda." Actually, that sounds like a brilliant idea. I can envision myself every night before bed for the rest of my life, though: "Damn it, didn't end homophobia today." Outreach is difficult, particularly getting into the schools, but once we get past being accused of perversity en masse it would be well worth it. Forgive me if this column isn't twelve simple and clear steps to eradicate homophobia all 'round the world and stop queer teens from being depressed and suicidal. I'm just sick of burying friends. Kristen Minor is a member of the class of 2004 at Dartmouth College and can be reached at kristen@youth-guard.org. She would like to dedicate this column to The Juice, with hopes that better peace has been found. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 13, No. 2, March 7, 2003. |