Bully for Straight Folks Who Stand Up for Gay Students
The news media have been all over the issue of bullying in recent weeks. It’s sad that it took the suicides of six gay teenagers in different states in quick succession to grab their attention. It’s also sad that the press has a very short attention span and—unless the deaths continue at a breakneck pace—the coverage will quickly abate. I’m afraid that’s also the case for the outpouring of outrage being expressed by sympathetic Americans who are not gay.
In the past few weeks I’ve heard (and read Facebook posts) from many heterosexuals who urge that “something must be done” to better protect gay and transgender students on school campuses. Your sentiments are appreciated and appropriate. But it’s a lot easier to express dismay than to get involved in the fray—and in many school districts a political fray it is.
Though we need more LGBT volunteers in the campaign against bullying, gay activists cannot successfully fight this battle alone. I know. For more than two years, I’ve been associated with an LGBT group which has lobbied my local public school district to institute sensitivity training for teachers and guidance counselors, to set up a “safe zone” program for bullied students, and to include sexual orientation and gender identity in its anti-bullying policy. Despite secret pledges of support from some school administrators, our group has been shot down over and over again. Ultimately, the problem has been the school system’s fear of straight people. Or, more specifically, the anticipated opposition of some straight people who don’t want sexual orientation or gender identity even mentioned in a school setting.
Who could be so insensitive? You know—they’re the ones who mouth off on cable talk shows and the internet all the time. They’re mostly rightwing religious fundamentalists (aka bigots) who stand ready at any moment to attack a public school system for endorsing the so-called “gay agenda.” In the case of bullying, said agenda is quite simple and clear: give these kids (and all others) a chance to live and to grow up with a reasonable expectation of dignity.
The problem is that school boards, especially elected ones, try to avoid controversy like the plague. Thus, many of them adopt vague anti-bullying policies which simply state, “No one should be bullied for any reason.” Then they whisper to gay groups: “Got you covered!”
Unfortunately, the “any reason” approach has proven to be completely ineffective.
Researchers have found that it is only when students are made aware that a school will not tolerate abuse against specifically listed categories of students that the policies have a chance of success. Study after study also has shown that a majority of all bullying—both verbal and physical—involves specifically anti-homosexual language. “Gay” and “fag” are the words most often used to taunt a victim, even those who aren’t. If you’re overweight, you’re a fag. If you’re a boy who wears pink or likes to study, you’re queer. What’s more, homosexual and transgender students—as well as those incorrectly perceived to be gay—are the most bullied group of students, period. (If you want the specific statistics, drop me a line or visit the website of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network at www.glsen.org.)
Beyond category-specific policies, programming is crucial to success. Respect for all students must be instilled by the way of an educational approach, and formal channels for those who face victimization to turn for help must be created on every school campus. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth who believe they have just one school staff member with whom they can talk about problems are two-thirds less likely to report being threatened or injured at school or report making multiple suicide attempts.
A worthwhile anti-bullying program also requires efforts to reach and sensitize two other groups of students: the bullies themselves and bystanders. This latter group comprises the largest number of students on any campus, and they rarely are given guidance in how to respond when a fellow student is verbally or physically harassed. A program that teaches bystanders to peacefully express their disapproval and/or to contact a counselor can be a big help in diffusing or resolving a situation.
Until straight parents, taxpayers and voters demand that their school boards provide strong anti-bullying programming and policies, too many of our nation’s youth will continue to receive little or no protection in their schools. I repeat: The gay community cannot successfully fight this battle alone. Our offers of experienced facilitators and successful programs frequently fall on deaf ears without straight people standing up with us. Quite simply, it’s more difficult for heterosexuals to be labeled part of a devious gay agenda.
So, how can you straight readers get involved? Call your school system; ask about its policy and its strategy to prevent bullying. Familiarize yourself with the issues, and study how experienced anti-bullying organizations approach education. One of the very best national groups continues to be the GLSEN. From its resources you can learn how scores of schools successfully have created safe spaces for endangered students and how issues of sexual orientation and gender identity can be addressed without threatening any student’s personal value system. The key is inspiring students to respect the basic humanity of one another as a simple matter of decency.
You should also become familiar with programs that provide direct assistance to students in crisis, such as
The Trevor Project (wwwthetrevorproject.org). If you know a young person who is feeling confused or in crisis, please urge him or her to call The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR for immediate help.
And suggest to the young gay or questioning people you know that they take a look at the collection of personal stories being amassed on YouTube by the It Gets Better Project, which was launched during the recent tidal wave of suicides by writer/relationship adviser Dan Savage and his spouse. Savage urged grownup LGBT people from all walks of life to post videos telling how their lives have improved since the time they were bullied in school. YouTube has been so overwhelmed with happy stories that Savage had to make special arrangements with the website to handle the high volume of videos, including ones by “Project Runway” host Tim Gunn, pop singer Ke$ha, Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters, Tony award-winning playwright Charles Busch and comedian Kathy Griffin. Gunn, for example, recounts that he tried to kill himself with 100 pills at age 17—and that he’s sure glad now that his attempt failed.
As the slaying of Matthew Shepard did 12 years earlier, the unnecessary suicides of at least six young bullied men in the late summer of 2010 has sparked a sense of horror among well-intentioned Americans, straight as well as gay. We really should memorize each of their names: 13-year-old Asher Brown of Texas, 13-year-old Seth Walsh of California, 15-year-old Justin Aaberg of Minnesota, 15-year-old Billy Lucas of Indiana, 18-year-old Rutgers student Tyler Clementi and 19-year-old Johnson & Wales University student Raymond Chase.
Some people shrug their shoulders and say that bullying always has existed and always will. They’re probably right. As for the past, I still carry a few psychological scars from playground bullies who tormented me half a century ago—a time when I had no one to whom to turn. But I know that life can and does get better—much better. I also know that the success of numerous campus programs around the country have demonstrated that bullying can be minimized and lives can be saved—if we work together to persuade schools to stand up and do what’s right to protect all of their students.
Bill Sievert is the author of the comic mystery novel Sawdust Confessions. He can be reached at billsievert@comcast.net or via billsievert.blogspot.com.