LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
CAMP Out |
by Fay Jacobs |
All Atwitter
I'm being followed. All the time. I feel like I'm in Witness Protection, with the Sopranos gunning for me. In fact, I know exactly who is following me and to date there are 157 of themjust waiting to know what I am doing every single moment. It's scary. Who's guessed? Ta-da! I am Twittering! FayJRB: It's July 5. I have laryingitis. Why is everyone laughing? Now if you have been under a large rock for the last year, or simply go catatonic at the mention of 21st century technology, here's a primer. Twitter is a communications networkminus anchors, commercials, studios or high definition. Best of all, no talking heads come uninvited into your living room. Mary Matalin and Rush can stand in a forest and Twitter all they want, but I don't hear a sound. FayJRB: I am sitting, covered in hard-shell crab debris, picking crab meat. Is this something inquiring minds want to know???? Joining Twitter means developing a network of twits you want to follow and see which twits want to follow you back. Oh, and the tweets you write are only allowed to be 140 characters long and are only allowed to answer a single question: " What are you doing?" FayJRB: I'm wiping Old Bay seasoning off my Blackberry. Does insurance cover this? Twitter allows you to fritter away your day twittering. Everybody's Clark Kent at the Daily Planet. Not only are people living their lives, but they are tweeting about them in real time. Now it's one thing to tweet "I'm at Aqua drinking a Cosmo" and entirely another to tweet "I'm driving 45 mph around the circle on Rehoboth Avenue." I have seen thisa moving car with the driver balancing an iPhone on the steering wheel, twittering away. Please let the next tweet say "got pulled over before I killed somebody." FayJRB: I'm procrastinating. Went to play 9 holes instead of writing my column about Twittering. Here's what I don't understand. Why should somebody except my editor be interested if I'm golfing instead of writiing? Some people use Twitter to give a running commentary on their entire lives. Along with a great big who cares, how can they pay attention to what they are doing while simultaneously tweeting about it? Back in the early part of this century (2001) I thought that the crawl on the TV while the anchor was talking was distracting. Ha! That's nothing compared to somebody playing hoops and tweeting about the last two-pointer as it's happening. I don't want to think about where his cell phone is stashed. FayJRB: Got up early to finish column so editor doesn't strangle me. So just how did I become such a twit? I downloaded something called Tweet Deck, which is not at all like a tape deck, which is, I hear, totally obsolete. In addition, the word Tweeter itself reminds me of Woofers and Tweetersthose parts of your stereo speaker system (also obsolete?) that used to be housed in walnut cabinets the size of a sofa. No, this is the new kind of tweeter alright and I'm trying to determine if it's for me. Everybody seems all atwitter about it, but for me the jury is still out. FayJRB: Still have laryngitis and post nasal drip. Why do I think this was not what the internet was invented for? Who gives a fig if I'm hacking like Camille and tweeting about it? Does this interest you? Say yes and I will send somebody over with a butterfly net to take you away. FayJRB: Oops, time for my sinus wash. Now there's a real scoop for the NY Times. This is the kind of thing people are twittering. Here's one I just got: "walking my dog and he did two number ones and one number two." Here's a quarter, call somebody who cares. FayJRB: I'm bending over the sink, using my Neti Pot for nasal irrigation. Gee, if this isn't a Pulitzer-winning report, nothing is. I'm so glad to be using this free social utility to stay connected to other Tweeters in real time. This is need to know stuff. FayJRB: Sending saline solution up one nostril, around your sinuses and out the other nostril is waterboarding. Yes in deedy, this micro-blogging thing really works for me. I sure enjoy this always-on social network presence. Oh, here's another Tweet for me. "had a bagel with whitefish salad." Quick, call WBOC, this is breaking news. FayJRB: I'm wasting time on Twitter. Nothing is getting done. No column, no laundry, no nothing. Can't wait for this Twitter craze to Tweet itself out. But will it? Or is it the next big marketing tool? One thing I like is that 140 characters forces you to write succinctly. Maybe it will make us communicate more clearly. Our sentences will be perfectly formed as we Twitter about our bathroom habits. And you can see your Facebook account on your Tweet Deck if you want to combine your postings, which makes sense to me since Facebook is also a time-sucking communications vampire. FayJRB: I'm finishing up my column about Twittering and I am about to send it to my editor. Like you give a damn. Will I pursue tweeting today or is this just too much of a pain in the ass? I'm going with pain in the ass. To Tweet or not to Tweet, there's no longer a question. I've tweeted my last. I'm going back to real life in real time and actually talk to people. FayJRB: Signing off, Over and out, 10-4 bunky, Hasta la Vista baby, Adieu to you and you and you-ooh. Ah, pop, pop, fizz, fizz, what a relief that is.Fay Jacobs is the author of As I Lay Fryinga Rehoboth Beach Memoir and Fried & TrueTales from Rehoboth Beach. Contact her at www.fayjacobs.com. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 19, No. 09 July 17, 2009 |