by Andrea L.T. Peterson
Since her Claire of the Moon hit the big screen a few years backmaking Nicole Conn every lesbians favorite lesbianConn hasnt exactly been sitting still. First there was Moments: The Making of Claire of the Moon (the first of its kind, best-selling lesbian documentary), then there was the novelization of the film, then Passions Shadow, now, its Angel Wings: a Love Story. "What most people dont realize," says Conn about her body of work to date, "is that almost all of it is straight. I wrote Claire because its my story," she adds.
The lesbian communityor more accurately communitiescan be terribly possessive. There seems to be this odd sense of ownership of its celebrities: Holly Near announces shes bisexual and the lesbian world goes crazy; JoAnn Loulan confirms her heterosexual romance, and shes a traitorbetraying every (other) lesbian on the face of the earth. Katherine Forrest hops over to Putnam and she becomes one of "them," no longer one of us. Some might feel the same way about Conn, whose newest novel, Angel Wings is primarily a heterosexual love story, but such feelings are unfounded and premature.
About Forrest, in particular, says Conn, "she is a saint I call her St. Forrest of the Trees. She helps so many writers, giving, giving and giving." [Not only at Naiad where she was on staff as editor and where she actually edited Conns Claire of the Moon]. "Its time," she says, "that Forrest gets the recognition she deserves. The lesbian community may have lost an editor, but the world has gained more of this very important and wonderful writer."
Angel Wings IS primarily a heterosexual love storyand a good onebut the lesbian subplot is so well-developed and so solid that it rivals the primary story line. It certainly permeates and colors it. Conn feels like so many private-citizens-made-public, her "lesbian identity" is her own business. But Conn has strong feelings about writers going mainstream. "It has little to do with betraying of their own identitiesand it has even less to do with betraying their lesbian readership."
Its about reaching a wider audiencepossibly touching the lives of women who havent yet become aware of their own lesbian identities; better financial arrangementscash advances, for example, that a writer can actually live on while writing the contracted work; and other not so small benefitslike a 20 or 30 city book tour with all of the fringe benefits and exposure in the largest bookstore chains in the country. However, Conn is quick to praise the treatment of writers by the lesbian presses. "When touring with Barbara Grier of Naiad Press," she says, "I was treated like her daughter, like a queen, in fact. I felt safe, seen, and appreciated. In the big houses, unless you are Grisham or Crichton, you are essentially non-existent."
Passions Shadow, Conns second novelwhich she actually wrote firstshe says, has just now made it to the top ten lists in gay and lesbian bookstores. A mainstream book, lesbians are just now discovering the dramatic story that deals first with intense personal conflict and second with lesbian issues. "Its the story of a strong female protagonist first, then a lesbian romance" says Conn who wrote it when she "first got sober."
Cynara is a short film that is loosely based on the work she considers her most important. "Not because its lesbian, but because its about trying to raise five million dollars to do a black and white lesbian Wuthering Heights." Making such a film is one of her most challenging personal career goals. Generally, lesbians finance their own films. Clearly there are times when it just isnt possible.
Angel Wings, she says, was supposed to be a lesbian storyaccording to the contract she had with her publisher to write two lesbian books. But it didnt turn out that way. She was asked why she couldnt just make Matthew a lesbian. Her characters, she explains, "come as they are. They become living, breathing [entities] as I write them." When she tries to alter them, she says they "slap her back into shape."
Besides, just changing names and pronouns wouldnt cut it. The story line wouldnt make sense, the issues would be irrelevant, and the book simply wouldnt be worth reading. Then it would be just another lesbian love story. As it is, it is the story of personal struggles with identity andat the risk of sounding cornydestiny.
Her latest project is another work that Conn found the need to write because of where she is in her own life.
As so many lesbians are, Conn has always been a "cynical child of divorce...a jaded hothead." Then came her current love. "I am so madly in love [with her]," says Conn, "I want to get married." She has come to realize that this kind of love is a "gift" and marriage is her way of showing the world "that this kind of love is possible." The couple plans to wed next year, and Conns upcoming work illustrates that "a cynic can be cured by romance!"
With her popularity and visibility in the lesbian community, her mainstream agents and publishers have found it challenging to market her to "middle America." How do you sell such an out lesbian to, say K-Mart? Could she be marketed as "bisexual," she was asked. "No," Conn responded emphatically. She cant see hiding her lesbian identity. Contemplating it made her "schizophrenic" and sent her back "to my first shame-based moments of coming out." She has always seen herself as a woman first. She has been "emotionally drawn to men," but is clear that she is "totally into women1,000 percentvery lesbian identified."
She just sees herself as "an artist who wants to write her own truth regardless of sexuality. There are so many other parts of us...so much more universality to who we are than just the sex "thang."
Her work as director of the forthcoming From 100 to Infinity, a documentary profiling 100 gay, lesbian, bisexual figures, and heterosexual leaders who work diligently for gay and lesbian rights chosen as role models for gay and lesbian youth dealing with coming out and homophobia, made clear her inability to hide or compromise her own sexual identity. These role models, says the lesbian filmmaker, "are an alternative toand hopefully part of the solution to the problem ofthe staggering gay and lesbian teen suicide rates."
From 100 to Infinity, is, she feels, probably "the most important project I will ever do for the gay and lesbian community. I call it an embracement of our history, and owning of our historical figures, an elevation of our culture."
Growing up, Conn had only one role model, Martina Navritalova. "I didnt even know she was a lesbian, but they way she played tennis and went for every shot became a metaphor for me on how to live life." This documentary is intended to give kids dozens of role models they can respect and role models whose sexual orientation is no secret.
Feeling "incredibly blessed" to be one of the few who can make her own "dreams come true," Conn is thrilled that Sela Ward is considering the part of Lindsay [Passions Shadow] for the big screen, and Helen Shaver [who caught the attention of every lesbian in America in Desert Hearts] is attached to direct one of Conns scripts. As she waits for the latest developments on her most recent projects, Conn, who believes she is "the luckiest lesbian alive," is busy at work on From 100 to Infinitywhich should be completed by years end. It will then be made available FREE to schools throughout the country.
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8/22/97 Issue. Copyright 1997 by CAMP Rehoboth, Inc. All rights reserved.