Rubber Band Man
Hey ya’ll prepare yourself
for the rubber band man
In the spring of 1977, the school “counselor” at Salisbury State University reached into his top drawer and handed Michael, a freshman, a rubber band. He advised the frightened teenager, who’d just come out, that whenever he had a homosexual thought he could “snap out of it.”
So much for the good old college days. These were bad times for old college gays. And sadly, the word counseling has to be put in quotation marks. I’m learning this stinging story at a neighbor’s Memorial Day cocktail party here in Rehoboth, and Michael and his partner Dean are houseguests of our hosts.
My interest in this issue is keen. Back in 2009, I wrote a column titled Gay Lions and Tigers and Bears, recounting the tales of the Penn State LGBT Reunion in Rehoboth. Nellie Nittanies and Lezzie Lions from the class of 1947 through 2009 frolicked on our shores and in our bars for a weekend. Since writing that column, I spend a lot of time asking friends old and new about their collegiate experience. My actual career is in higher education—and my desire for civil rights on campus is fervent—so when my day job meets my gay job, columns (both Corinthian and written ones) result.
Back in 1977, Michael could never have known that our patron diva saint, Cher, would one day film the movie Moonstruck that would make the line “snap out of it” immortal. Or, that she would support PFLAG and further stand by her daughter Chastity’s transition to Chaz. Nor could he know that people would stand by him, too.
But what lovely advice used to counsel a kid—a kid struggling with coming out to his parents and hoping for some guidance. Oh, let’s see, why don’t we use a smoking cessation technique, now retooled to keep a faggot from ever flaming. In all fairness to the “counselor,” it was 35 years ago and there was no Harvey, Ellen, Will, Grace or Priscilla—bold face names that need no last ones. How they’ve brought us all along on their coat tails.
But long ago during the 70s the song “Rubber Band Man” was topping the charts. It’s an anthem sung by the Spinners about an actual musician who made music by stringing rubber bands across his two big toes. Michael just stared at his one small wrist.
Today, holding hands with his husband Dean, he can jokingly say “it was springtime and all the shirtless boys were throwing Frisbees out on the quad.” There was Michael whacking away (at his wrist—with the band—stop smirking.)
Since Michael’s lame, ill informed and probably illegal “counseling,” things have changed markedly—mostly because we alums have leveraged our own “power of outage.” Many of my friends are returning home to their alma maters to help our kids flourish.
Among those friends, Howard Menaker returned to Duke’s LGBT student center to talk about being an out executive at Bechtel Corporation, headed by a famously conservative Republican family.
Bob Witeck is often back on campus at UVA where the Serpentine Society makes certain that gay history is never forgotten in the Commonwealth. His partner, “the other Bob” Connelly often returns to Colgate for Ivy League mentoring of the next gay generation.
Perhaps the most important milestone for us is the ascendency of Jeff Trammell to chair the board of the College of William and Mary. Jeff’s election would be a milestone at any point in our lives, but given the hostile political climate of Virginia, the timing is indeed fortuitous.
My dear friend Chuck Middleton, President of Roosevelt University in Chicago co-founded the LGBT College Presidents’ Association. They have their own YouTube “It Gets Better” Video, a growing membership and big plans. Dave Kopay, the first openly gay NFL football player (The Dave Kopay Story) is very involved with his alma mater, University of Washington.
Michael is sanguine if not a tad bit wistful. “I always said when I was more comfortable, I’d go back and help the next generation.” I didn’t ask whether comfortable meant financially or being out, but either way those kids will indeed benefit from his story.
And so Michael will return to Salisbury to speak to their Lambda Society students club. You see, folks, we do have kids going to college this year. They’re our kids. From sea to shining sea, they are hoping to find a world of acceptance and love. You can help. Log on to your alma mater’s website and find out how.
I believe that when it all boils down, we alums are really just going back to rescue the scared kid we once were—the student as teacher.
Rubber bands as counseling tools are, hopefully, gone from campus. But an expansive view is welcomed. And the quotation marks can be taken off of counseling. Phew. I feel better already.
You’re ‘bout to lose control
When the rubber band man
Starts to jam.
Brent Mundt is compiling stories of LGBT campus experiences. If you have a college story to tell, email Brent Mundt.