LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
Student CAMP |
by Kristen Minor |
A Tribute
I should begin by saying that I did not know Fred Martinez, Jr. He was 16, half Navaho, and lived in Colorado. He was also gay, and it seems that for this reason his broken body was found in the bottom of a canyon near his home. A friend of mine once said that one of the things he likes best about being gay is that it makes you strong. I agree, but it only makes you strong if you can live through it. A great part of my life is spent interacting with queer teenagers, be they friends or those who are a part of the email list I supervise. I know kids who slice their arms to ribbons to find escape from the emotional pain of being "the other," who have been estranged from their families, and who are promiscuous with the opposite sex to try to make their queerness go away. I've known kids who write the email list every day with tales of confusion and pain who simply stop and never write again. Odds are that some of them died, some by their own hands. I have known some of the most vibrant, vital, and creative teens on the planet. And I can't help but imagine them all gone. HIV, self-destruction, abuse from the ignorant who claim righteousness, the evening entertainment for a coward, suicide...these are the special joys of our kind. Car crashes make sense in some ways- I would rather be in the path of a Chevy with a negligent driver than have my last memories be of a lead pipe and the shouting of drunkards. We're just a bunch of kids. The counter at godhatesfags.com informs me that Matt Shepard has been in Hell for just over 1000 days. He was a martyr for our times, yes, but what has come since? More gay straight alliances have been formed, a couple can be "civil unioned" in Vermont, and more people have come out younger in the past few years. Are these artificial victories? A civil union does not help those students who constantly face anti-gay harassment in schools. Certainly the existence of GSAs in Massachusetts did not help Martinez, who was forced to withdraw from school and attend an adult education program because of the constant harassment he faced. Perhaps national trends create safety nets that vanish under scrutiny or geography. The annoying voice in the back of my head whispers that the world really would be easier if queer people realized their sexuality and came out at 18, as homophobes seem to think we do. Then there becomes at least a glimmer of possibility of running to a place of relative safety. The grand queer tradition of getting out of town and repressing all teen memories seems appropriate to mention. As is, gay teens have many great role models and intermittent safe spaces that do not serve to protect in schools. Asking for just protection is a ridiculous undermining of principle, however, "safe schools" should have honest and continual discussion of queer issues, openness, and tolerance. There is no safety in gentle restraint and threats of detention, and tolerance that is confined between bells is not tolerance at all. Nothing in the world will save everyone from all gay bashers, but what right now is saving anyone at all? Forgive my bitterness. The fear of gay bashing is one that nobody can dwell on when it is not going to end up getting themselves killed. I feel astounded that I was never thrown down a staircase in high school. The National Education Association recently stated that the needs of gay students in the classroom should be addressed, then they did an impressive backpedal, stating that they would not back away from this important issue after tabling the resolution which would do so for further study. The initial resolution comes in part from a study released earlier this year saying that America's schools are essentially pits of despair for queer teens. One can only applaud those groups' perception and the noble trees that sacrificed their lives for the paper these words were written on. I can imagine endless press releases, hours upon hours of committee study, debate, invocation of the Bible, and all sides urging the honorable gather to think of the children. Perhaps a plan to make zippy rainbow friendly schools will be instituted (except of course in those places where such things are not deemed socially acceptable, which is essentially everywhere) and can start to happen in, say, 2010. I wonder how many queer kids will die from holding their breath. Hopefully the killer of Fred Martinez will be brought to justice. The boy might also manage to avoid becoming yet another martyr who adds grace notes to a long line of statistics, but that seems unlikely. I would say that I hope this kind of thing never happens again, but that is an ignorant dream. Kristen Minor can be reached at Kristen@youth-guard.org. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 11, No. 9, July 13, 2001. |