LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth |
StudentCAMP: Public Displays of Affection (That's Right, the Dreaded PDA) |
by Adam |
I want to deal with a very old topic in a slightly new light. Everyone has probably, at some point, had a discussion about PDA. You know, when twoor morepeople begin getting physically intimate while outside of their bedroom and in the presence of others. There seems to be a great chasm in how people regard PDA. One party believes that PDA is thoroughly disgusting and should be grounds for locking someone away from the public theater. The other faction believes that PDA is perfectly acceptablethese people are also usually apt to commit acts of PDA. For my part in the discussion, I suppose I should say I wouldn't care so much about PDA if it wasn't that watching other people be intimate makes me so damn jealous. I know, I know, its petty, but it's the truth of the matter. I guess part of the problem is that I'm gay (ssshhhh! don't tell anyone!). And being gay, I have grown up with the idea that people are not supposed to have intimate feelings for other members of the same sex. Even to this day I still have a difficult time expressing feelings toward other men when I am in public. (Now entering the first tangent of this column. Be warned.) Today, I went with my family to see "Splendors of Meiji," a fantastic exhibit in Wilmington showcasing the art of imperial Japan. Anyone who has not already seen this exhibit, please go see it! And if you have, please go see it again! But anyway, things got interesting after we finished looking through all of the galleries. My family was still scavenging their way through the gift shop while I was sitting in the main lobby, an incredibly spacious chamber in which one could easily lose oneself to the high ceilings and dwarfing floor spaces. Trying very hard to remain aware of myself, I sat on a cushy bench-type thing (which was actually a group of footstools all pushed together. Anyway, enough details). So I'm sitting there, looking out the windows at the Wilmington Riverfront Arts Center parking lot when up ride these adorable topless boys on their bicycles (do you notice a running theme?). I couldn't help but watch. Now, being that there was a glare off of the windows, I could only really see their torsos, and even then just the front. So for all I know they could have had skanky faces and big-ol' booties. But what I did see, I liked. It was then, quite suddenly, that I was possessed with the sudden desire to be a girl. Well, not exactly. I mean, I didn't really want to be a girl. But I did at that moment envy girls very much, and specifically envy their ability to walk up to guys and touch them. I couldn't help thinking that if I had been a girl at that moment, I could have gotten up, walked out the front door, walked up to one of those guys, and made physical contact with him. In reality, I don't know that this would have been the case, but at the time the idea seemed perfectly reasonable. Or at least more reasonable than the possibility of me, a gay man, getting up, walking out the front door, walking up to one of those guys, and touching him. And while I may have very well gotten that far, I feel quite certain it would have been followed by the solid contact of his fist with my head in retribution. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that it is not socially acceptable for homosexuals to put the move on their crushes. In an ideal world, it would be. In an ideal world, the object of one's affectionsif straightwould simply reply, "Thanks for the thought, but I'm not interested." However, this is not a purely ideal world, and failed attempts of gays to confess crushes often end in something far scarier. Even gay people in a relationship are frequently not able to express their feelings toward their partner when in public, simply because they fear that the results will be the same. Which, I guess, could go to explain why I find the idea of PDA hard to swallow. I'm jealous as hell. Whenever I see a girl kissing a guy, I wishat least in some limited facultythat I were in her shoes (and in his pants). Luckily, there are Gay Safety Meccas like Rehoboth Beach, where gay people can flirt and openly express their desires while being more-or-less confident that no harm or animosity will come their way for it. And perhaps someday, everywhere will be like Rehoboth in that sense. Until then, though, I will have to content myself with watching adorable topless boys from a distance, hoping someday that one of them will pull up on a rainbow-colored bike, wearing rainbow-colored speedos and nothing else. Adam is a senior in high school. In his free time, he enjoys studying and writing poetry, playing the piano, acting, and reading anything and everything. He welcomes email at admcrow@zdnetmail.com. |
LETTERS From CAMP Rehoboth, Vol. 9, No. 11, Aug. 13, 1999 |