Happy Friendsgiving!
Several years ago, a friend told me her son (always an early-adopter) would be hosting Friendsgiving in late-November. It was the first time I’d heard the word; it seemed to me a strange mash-up.
I had been hosting friends for Thanksgiving for decades, but we’d never called it anything but “Thanksgiving.” The fact that we were spending it with friends v. families-of-origin (or procreation) didn’t impact the holiday’s name. We still were thankful, after all; still talked about what we were grateful for. So—why “Friendsgiving”?
I’ve learned more about the word since that first mention. For example, it’s a relatively recent word. Written usage appears to date back only to about 2007, when it turned up in Usenet posts and tweets. Spoken usage likely preceded written usage by a year or two; new words often are spoken before they begin to appear in print.
It’s also morphed in its definition over even that very short period of time. Originally, it connoted an informal gathering of friends on or around Thanksgiving Day. It might be either an alternative to the traditional holiday gathering, or a friends-centric addition to the holiday weekend. But over its 14-year lifespan, it’s grown into a holiday (of sorts) of its own. There now are menus, how-tos, and lifestyle guides devoted to the successful Friendsgiving celebration.
Per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary—where Friendsgiving officially arrived in January 2020—the term’s banner year, kickstarting its rise to national prominence, likely was 2011. That year, Bailey’s Irish Cream featured the word in an ad campaign, and it was used in an episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The rest is history.
I’ll still be hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, for all that it will be attended almost exclusively by friends (aka my family of choice). We will be especially thankful this year; last year, we couldn’t gather for the meal as we had over many prior years. We’ll be doubly thankful that we’re all still here to gather—we’re only too aware that’s not the case for everyone.
All that gratitude, it turns out, may well have some health benefits beyond the momentary giving of thanks. Per Harvard Health, research shows that acknowledging the goodness in our lives helps us connect to something beyond ourselves, e.g., to other people, to nature, or to a higher power.
Gratitude also is strongly associated with greater happiness. It may be that cataloging good things helps us focus on good experiences, encourages us to persevere in the face of adversity, promotes good health (so we can have more good experiences), and helps build strong relationships. (People are perhaps less drawn to the curmudgeonly among us….)
It’s pretty typical at Thanksgiving to express gratitude for things in the past—e.g., the infection avoided, or the finally-possible family visit. But one can also focus on the blessings of the present—say, continued good health, and friends to enjoy—or the future, in the form of developing and maintaining a hopeful and optimistic outlook.
For those of us who are more realists (not to say pessimists) than optimists, Harvard Health offers more good news: a sense of gratitude can be cultivated. One does not need to have been born with a sunny disposition to develop a bright (or at least brighter) outlook.
An easy place to start: thank someone who’s made a positive influence on our life (or week or day). In-person is nice, but not always possible; thank-you emails or notes also count. Even mentally reflecting on a happy occasion and offering up “good thoughts” to the people who played a role in it helps promote a feeling of gratitude.
A religious person can offer prayers of gratitude or thanksgiving. The meditative person might focus on something for which they are grateful in the present moment—e.g., the warmth that surrounds them, or a pleasant sound.
Another idea: set aside time each week to count one’s blessings—what went right? What interactions felt warm and inviting? Enumerating a few of the past week’s positive moments and reflecting on how we felt each time can encourage gratitude and a more optimistic outlook.
Keeping a gratitude journal—even just jotted notes of things we’re thankful for—can help to encourage positive thoughts. It provides a record to look back on when things aren’t going so well, reminding us that all is not dark-and-dismal. I kept a journal during the 18 months before I retired from my last full-time job. It was part “what next,” and part “what I’m grateful for today.” I still occasionally review it for nuggets and reminders.
Whatever you’re celebrating this year, I hope you find it festive and fun and gratitude-inducing. Happy Thanks/Friendsgiving! ▼
Marj Shannon is a writer and epidemiologist. She can be reached at marj@camprehoboth.com.